Roll up, roll up, it’s time to lavish praise on an utterly spellbinding Champions League season.
A bit like Game of Thrones the grand finale was a bit sh*te. But the rest of it… bloody hell.
But, as is tradition at Dream Team, we’re thinking alternatively.
Golden Boot? Golden Glove? Pathetic. These are the real accolades the players want to get their greasy mitts on.
Without further Freddy Adu…
THE STEVEN GERRARD AWARD FOR MOST TIMELESSLY MEMEABLE MOMENT
This was officially the last time Man United did literally anything of note and is essentially the main reason they’re stuck with Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.
But their epic turnaround against PSG in Paris did lead to incredibly satisfying scenes on the touchline as Neymar looked on, as we all did, in complete disbelief.
Sorry pal, maybe next year?
THE RAHEEM STERLING AWARD FOR CELEBRATING TOO EARLY IN VAIN
WINNER: Raheem Sterling
Five years ago we all lost our minds in our pubs/living rooms after Raheem Sterling nestled a 30-yard shot into the side netting against Italy at the World Cup.
This time it was Raheem who was guilty of celebrating too early as VAR (correctly) delivered the ultimate Spurs’ sucker punch in the quarter-finals.
It was the most unbelievable ending to the most exhilarating 95 minutes of football the competition had ever seen. Until the semi-finals came along, of course.
THE VLADIMIR SMICER AWARD FOR RANDOM AND QUITE FORGETTABLE GOALSCORER IN A FINAL
WINNER: Divock Origi
This may well be a ‘pointless’ answer on a popular British day time television show in the future.
But should we ever have doubted Big Div after his antics against Barcelona in the round before?
To think the guy nearly joined Huddersfield on loan last summer. He deserves a statue outside Anfield at the very least.
THE ERIC CANTONA AWARD FOR MOST ACROBATIC WAY TO GET SENT OFF
WINNER: Thomas Muller
It’s always the ones you least expect.
But he did come perilously close to decapitating Nicolas Tagliafico in Bayern’s 3-3 draw with Ajax in the group stages.
Care to explain yourself, Thomas?
THE DIEGO FORLAN AWARD FOR PROVING THE GRASS IS GREENER AWAY FROM THE PREMIER LEAGUE
WINNER: Dusan Tadic
The Premier League ain’t for everyone.
That’s probably quite harsh on Tadic, to be fair, who was pretty handy in his time at Southampton.
As well as scoring 38 goals in all competitions, he announced himself to the Champions League scene with the best individual performance of the season at the Bernabeu. L’Equipe even gave him a perfect 10 rating, which is almost unheard of…
THE SEPP BLATTER AWARD FOR MOST PLEASING AND ABRUPT FALL FROM GRACE
WINNER: Real Madrid
This isn’t just because it’s Real Madrid, it’s because their tormentors were an Ajax side who captivated so many this season by sticking two fingers up to the big boys.
Tadic and co. ran riot at the Bernabeu, leaving the three-time reigning champions in tatters and effectively ending their campaign as early as March.
Ajax bucked the trend this year and provided the perfect antidote to the likes of Real who are pushing so hard for the ghastly European Super League.
Oh and Sergio Ramos’ face while camera crews filmed his reaction for a new documentary series? Priceless.
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