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HAIRY TIMES

David Silva’s new hair has ruined him and nothing you can say will convince me otherwise

Where's the magic gone, David?

As a man who is fairly self conscious about the thinning, greying situation on my head, I’ve followed David Silva’s hair chronicles closely.

Football fandom went into *meltdown* at the beginning of last season when the man they call Merlin debuted an altogether very different look.

Gone were his luscious locks and here, in all its glory, was this new, Ross Kemp-inspired Silva.


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Bald magnificence

Reuters
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Bald magnificence

The diminutive Spaniard had already set some pretty lofty standards for himself before the shaven days.

But something changed that day, something beautiful.

Somehow Silva elevated his game to another level, enjoying his best ever season and putting himself firmly in the PFA Player of the Year picture.

Clare Balding

Times Newspapers Ltd
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Clare Balding

This was a show of immense masculinity, an alpha male seemingly embracing his follicle deficiency and sticking two fingers up to genetics.

The bald brilliance continued at the start of this season too as Silva sought to lay waste to defences, scoring eight goals by the end of November.

This was Silva 2.0; a silent guardian, a watchful protector, a Bald Knight.

Then something changed.

A dark day

Reuters
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A dark day

I apologise for jumping head first into what may be an irrational conclusion, but the gradual return of Silva’s hair has coincided with an individual malaise.

It starts at Stamford Bridge in early December and Man City’s first domestic defeat of the season.

Appearing very slowly and subtly over Silva’s head was a darker smattering, a growing presence, as Chelsea won 2-0.

‘Go shave your head David’

Reuters
5
‘Go shave your head David’

A few weeks later, sporting a much fuller lid, Silva was part of a terrible City side that succumbed to Leicester on Boxing Day.

As his hair grew Silva’s powers receded, failing to score at all so far in 2019 with no goals or assists in his last six appearances at all.

I make it eight goals in 18 games with hair and just a solitary strike in 23 without.

FIFA or real life?

Getty - Contributor
5
FIFA or real life?

Reports of a transplant are unconfirmed but, if that is the case, credit where credit is due; the procedure, unlike Wayne Rooney’s feeble attempts, has worked impressively.

But the statistics in the post-bald age are damning, with Silva a shadow of the skinhead putting opponents to the sword in 2018.

If City want that unprecedented quadruple, somebody in that dressing room needs to locate the clippers and do the deed.

The hairy fraud must be stopped.