Scott Brown has Scottish football on strings.
Alfredo Morelos lasted 31 minutes of The Old Firm derby before the urge to stick one on Brown’s shaven, glowing bonce proved too irresistible to pass up. His immediate regret was there for all to see as anger quickly turned to embarrassment, compounded by Brown having the best seat in the house as Morelos stumbled off the pitch desperately appealing for VAR.
The Colombian isn’t the first and won’t be the last to step in the ring with Brown and find themselves drowning in a pool of s***housing, unable to swim amidst niggles, sarcastic laughter and butter-wouldn’t-melt pleas to the referee.
Joey Barton arrived in Scotland boldly proclaiming that Brown ‘can’t get near me’ and left after a chastening 5-1 Old Firm defeat in which the Celtic captain booked an Airbnb inside the England international’s head, held a house party and then left without paying having trashed the place.
Steven Naismith, a player who spent five seasons tuning his mentality against some of the best in the Premier League, was banned for two games after finding the chance to stamp on Brown’s meat and two veg too tempting to ignore during Heart’s 3-1 loss to Celtic last year.
Then there was the time Brown celebrated getting fouled against Aberdeen- a challenge which saw Sam Cosgrove sent off- or the moment he applauded Ross County’s Mihael Kovacevic for putting him on the floor.
Saint Petersburg’s -11° С conditions were no match for the short-sleeve wearing Scotsman. All of the above is why Brown is the best s***house in world football. A deep-fried Sergio Ramos whose love for rustling fractionally outweighs the Spaniard’s ability to get under opposition skins.
Yet to write the 33-year-old off as part thug, part jester is be just another victim of Brown’s tricks. Brown attracts so much chaos because opponents think he’s there to be got at. Whereas Ramos is a world-class defender whom only the very best attackers can get on top of, Brown is seen as a glorified Sunday League midfielder.
This is a man who’s been pivotal in eight Scottish Premiership wins, six Scottish League Cups and four Scottish Cups with Celtic and Hibernian. This is a man who’s been named the PFA Scotland Players’ Player of the Year twice. This is a man who’s featured in four PFA Scotland Team of the Years, accompanying genuine quality like Shunsuke Nakamura and Virgil van Dijk.
Brown’s been thriving in the bruising environment of Scottish football since the urge of 17. There will be those that look upon his turning down of Premier League advances- such as a move to Reading in 2007- as a sign of weakness or an admittance that he couldn’t cut it at the top level.
But why battle relegation from the Premier League when you can compete in the Champions League and play in front of 60,000 fans every week? The fact that Inter Milan, Juventus and Spurs have all been linked with the midfielder during his career should be a ringing endorsement of his playing ability.
Brown is by no means the most technically talented midfielder in the world, but he deserves just as much respect for his footballing ability as he garners attention for the peerless s***housing.
If the midfielder wasn’t able to back his talk up with ability then he would just be a laughing stock. Ask Barton.
As it is, Brown is always the last one laughing.
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