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Germany hire Sam Allardyce as UEFA Nations League relegation scrap hots up

The German FA are taking desperate measures

The German FA will replace World Cup winning coach Joachim Low with Sam Allardyce to save them from Nations League relegation.

Germany lost to France last night making it six defeats this calendar year and they sit bottom of their group.

France are leading the group and Germany need to win their last match and hope Netherlands lose both of theirs to avoid relegation.


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Allardyce has a well-earned reputation as a relegation specialist and after much deliberation the FA decided he was the only man who could save Germany from an unprecedented fall.

Unofficial Germany insider Lee Satchell revealed that the executive called Big Sam straight after the game but they had to leave a message offering him the job.

Then they received a load of slurring messages from a Spanish number, believed to be in the Marbella region, with disco music blaring in the background and voice repeatedly saying, “Yes I can boogie, I can boogie all night long.”

Satchell explained that eventually the FA decided that was a yes from Allardyce and they had to tell Low the bad news.

“I heard the messages myself, after a load of singing and what sounded like Sammy Lee doing shots in the background, Sam eventually could be heard ordering two more pints of Echo Falls before saying that he would definitely love to take the job and couldn’t wait to recall Mario Gomez to show Joshua Kimmich what a real footballer looks like,” Satchell added.

“The FA really didn’t want to go for Sam after his debacle as England manager but with the team teetering on the verge of relegation they knew there was no one else.”

*SPOILER ALERT. ALL QUOTES IN THIS ARTICLE ARE MADE UP FOR THE PURPOSE OF A CHEAP LAUGH. FOR MORE FOOTBALLING COMEDY CLICK THE BANNER BELOW*

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