Greetings, I have been informed that several of our readers are from a different universe to my own.
Apparently, our existences are exactly the same in every way except one — Spurs’ transfer activity this summer.
I was recently sent a report which detailed how, in your universe, Daniel Levy has spent f**k all.
Allow me to explain how, in my universe, Spurs have spent just over £200million on players in the last month…
Within an hour of the transfer window opening, Ryan Sessegnon had completed a medical and signed on the dotted line.
Fulham accepted an offer of £10million + Danny Rose for the highly-rated teenager.
Sessegnon has impressed in pre-season with many already touting him as ‘the next Gareth Bale’.
Justin Kluivert was the second signing of the summer as Spurs wasted no time in bolstering the squad for the season ahead.
The third-generation superstar snubbed Roma, citing the opportunity to play under Mauricio Pochettino as the reason for his last-minute change of heart.
Ajax and Spurs agreed on a £28million transfer fee after the Dutch club had rejected an offer of £28million + Moussa Sissoko.
Then came the emotional return of Luka Modric.
After interest from Inter Milan had unsettled the Croatian midfielder, Real Madrid decided to buck tradition by selling to Spurs, rather than buying from them.
Modric revealed his love for the north London club and agreed to take a significant pay cut to facilitate the £52million move.
Many pundits believe the four-time Champions League winner now holds the cards that will lead to Spurs winning a major trophy.
Spurs recouped some funds by flogging Vincent Janssen to Chinese Super League club Tianjin Quanjian for £38million, if you can believe it.
Toby Alderweireld and his Year 7 haircut sulked off to PSG the next day, with fans praising the club’s decision not to sell to a Premier League rival.
However, the Belgian centre-back’s departure left Spurs short at centre-back with only Juan Foyth and Cameron Carter-Vickers as cover for Davinson Sanchez and Jan Vertonghen.
Mauricio Pochettino shrewdly reacted to this by securing the services of Andrea Barzagli for a nominal fee.
The experienced Italian defender was rendered surplus to requirements at Juventus following Leonardo Bonucci’s return.
Barzagli’s elite mentality and wealth of experience is said to have positively impacted Sanchez already, with the pair adopting a mentor/apprentice relationship in training.
Barzagli isn’t the only player to switch Turin from Tottenham this summer.
Spurs shocked the world with the announcement of Gonzalo Higuain of £70million in the aftermath of Cristiano Ronaldo’s move to Juve.
The Argentine expressed his desire to work under his compatriot Pochettino while acknowledging that he would likely have to play second fiddle to Harry Kane, at least at first.
Not a bad little player to pull the League Cup shifts, eh?
Deadline day provided one last thrill for the fans.
Jim White excitedly announced that Aston Villa had finally agreed to the sale of Jack Grealish just hours before the traditional slamming shut of the window.
Levy was delighted to sign a cheque for £40million, delivering it to the midlands personally.
But the good news didn’t end there, Sissoko agreed terms with League Two’s Crawley Town at the final hour.
Here’s what Spurs’ active summer looks like in my universe dear readers…
That’s all from me.
Hope everything in your universe is well.