This desolate hellscape until the football starts again is really testing our sanity.
Hence why we’ve delved into the most niche recesses of the football world.
And have we discovered on our expedition?
The serene beauty of players with perfectly symmetrical career paths…
That’s Andriy Shevchenko’s glorious career.
Drink it in.
His ill-fated Chelsea spell acts as a perfect line of symmetry (loans count, they definitely count).
A player returning to their boyhood club at the end of their career never fails to stir something deep inside us.
Symmetrical career paths has taken this feeling and multiplied it by ten.
For some reason, this phenomena induces overwhelming satisfaction in us.
However, like anything worth having in this cruel world of ours, such joy does not come easy.
Shevchenko is the only five-club example we have found… so far.
These three-club wonders have a certain charm to them though…
Here are some players we now despise because they teased us with a symmetrical career but baited our mild OCD by getting it slightly wrong…
F**k you, Orlando City!
His Inter years may have been his most enjoyable but let’s never speak of them again.
JUAN ROMAN RIQUELME
A Dream Team favourite could have secured his status as the office GOAT if he’d swerved the Barcelona move.
Then his entire career from youth level to retirement would have been perfectly symmetrical: Argentinos – Boca – Boca – Villarreal – Villarreal – Boca – Boca – Argentinos.
Please feed our addiction.
And seriously, when does the Premier League start again?