This desolate hellscape between the end of the World Cup and the start of the new season is really testing our sanity.
Hence why we’ve delved into the most niche recesses of the football world.
And have we discovered on our expedition?
The serene beauty of players with perfectly symmetrical career paths…
That’s Andriy Shevchenko’s glorious career.
Drink it in.
His ill-fated Chelsea spell acts as a perfect line of symmetry (loans count, they definitely count).
A player returning to their boyhood club at the end of their career never fails to stir something deep inside us.
Symmetrical career paths has taken this feeling and multiplied it by ten.
For some reason, this phenomena induces overwhelming satisfaction in us.
However, like anything worth having in this cruel world of ours, such joy does not come easy.
Shevchenko is the only five-club example we have found… so far.
These three-club wonders have a certain charm to them though…
If you take Bayern Munich II and Bayern Munich as the same thing then Mats Hummels gives us a cheeky chain of four with the line of symmetry occurring between his loan move to Borussia Dortmund and his permanent transfer.
We’re desperate for more examples.
Absolutely fiends, we are.
Here are some players we now despise because they teased us with a symmetrical career but baited our mild OCD by getting it slightly wrong…
F**k you, Orlando City!
His Inter years may have been his most enjoyable but let’s never speak of them again.
JUAN ROMAN RIQUELME
A Dream Team favourite could have secured his status as the office GOAT if he’d swerved the Barcelona move.
Then his entire career from youth level to retirement would have been perfectly symmetrical: Argentinos – Boca – Boca – Villarreal – Villarreal – Boca – Boca – Argentinos.
Please feed our addiction.
And seriously, when does the Premier League start again?