We love predicting things that are yet to happen in the world of football.
You can’t tell us we’re wrong, because it hasn’t happened yet. Genius! But don’t let that stop you from hurling abuse. Sticks and stones and all that.
With the warm glow of the 2018/19 Premier League season growing ever stronger we’ve had a go at predicting the Team of the Season. Here goes nothing.
Goalkeeper: Alisson (Liverpool)
The world’s most expensive goalkeeper playing behind the world’s most expensive defender and the world’s best centre-back.
Alisson is going to have a lovely time with Virgil van Dijk and Joe Gomez in front of him. Wait, why is Sergio Ramos lurking ominously in the bushes?
Right-back: Kieran Trippier (Spurs)
Proof that if you say something enough times it eventually becomes true. Spurs fans have literally joked Trippier into becoming the world’s best right-back.
Expect the odd set-piece rocket now he’s revealed his secret talent.
Centre-back: Harry Maguire (Man United)
Of course he moves to Old Trafford. Do you think Jose Mourinho would let a heading magnet like that play anywhere else?
Jose will have him playing no.10 before the season is out.
Centre-back: Andreas Christensen (Chelsea)
Maurizio Sarri might be a bit miffed when he settles in at Chelsea only to find Thibaut Courtois and Eden Hazard half the way to Madrid.
But in Christensen he has a defender willing to risk it all for the sake of possession football. That’s all you can really ask for as a mid-table club. *shots fired*
Left-back: Bernardo Silva (Man City)
Wondering how Silva fits in with Bald Silva, Raheem Sterling, Kevin De Bruyne, Leroy Sane and Riyad Mahrez for Kompany?
Simple. Pep Guardiola’s new found obsession with false full-backs will see Bernardo blossom into a vibrant ‘left-back’.
Defensive midfielder: Fabinho (Liverpool)
If N’Golo Kante is the man with six lungs then Fabinho is the man with sixteen legs.
No ball is beyond interception. No tackle is out of reach. He’ll be the first player in Premier League history to assist himself.
Centre-mid: Naby Keita (Liverpool)
Keita is not the same player as Kante, no matter how many times Paul Merson tells you different.
As well as spectacular dribbles and no-look assists you can expect at least one Merseyside derby red card. Cult hero in the making.
Centre-mid: Jean Seri (Fulham)
What are Fulham doing signing players like Seri?
He’s going to be fuming when he realises he’s not joined Chelsea.
Attacking midfielder: Kevin De Bruyne (Man City)
Is it possible to hit triple figures for assists over the course of a season?
Football comes so easily to City’s no.17 that he soon takes to the pitch wearing a blindfold and rollerskates.
Striker: Mohamed Salah (Liverpool)
One-season wonder? Have a day off. Liverpool fans stick two fingers up to anyone who dared question Salah’s ability.
They rapidly take those fingers back when Salah hotfoots it to Madrid next summer.
Striker: Romelu Lukaku (Man United)
Who would have thought not drilling the ball at Lukaku’s head and shins would lead to an improvement in performance?
Dave from Wirral still thinks he’s shit, even when he goes and bags 30 goals to win the golden boot.
Disagree with those picks? You can select whoever you want in Dream Team’s Fantasy Football game.
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