How much would you pay to watch a Champions League quarter-final based purely on 5-a-side football?
If that’s not you cup of tea you should probably look away now. If it is, you’re in luck.
We’ve reworked the Champions League quarter-finalists into 5-a-side teams, each of which would compete in a Nike Scorpion style tournament.
Who’s the winner? Let us know in the comments.
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Liverpool
Unfortunately full-backs don’t really get a look in when playing 5-a-side.
Virgil van Dijk is Dutch, so playing 5-a-side comes naturally, while Emre Can can do a little bit of everything in midfield.
But, let’s be honest, we’re all just here to watch Roberto Firmino and Mohamed Salah have fun up front.
Man City
It’s not easy to pick a City 5-a-side team, given it’s a contractual obligation to be a technician if you play under Pep Guardiola.
John Stones gets the nod at the back, purely based on his love of a Cruyff turn, with Kevin De Bruyne and David Silva playing keep ball in midfield.
Sergio Aguero would be that annoying goal-hanger who celebrates every goal with way too much passion, even when it’s 16-1.
Barcelona
Let’s just call this Lionel Messi +4.
You couldn’t tell Gerard Pique to play at the back during a game of fives so we’ve brought in Sergio Busquets to provide a bit of defensive security.
Luis Suarez completes the side, although there’s no way he’d be able to complete a full game without being told to go and cool off for two minutes.
Roma
We tried to get Francesco Totti to come through as a ringer, but he’s too busy enjoying retirement.
Instead Roma’s side consists of Kostas Manolas, Radja Nainggolan (who would definitely have a crafty cigarette at half-time), Cengiz Under and Edin Dzeko.
Aleksandar Kolarov wouldn’t get the call because he’d spend the whole game launching the ball out of play.
Bayern Munich
Toss a coin whether you want Jerome Boateng or Mats Hummels at the back. We did, and we ended up with Hummels.
The flair and balance of Thiago and James Rodriguez in midfield would ensure plenty of nutmegs, leaving the goals to Robert Lewandowski.
[Insert story about him nearly playing for Blackburn]
Sevilla
Defender Clement Lenglet is the latest player Sevilla plucked from relative footballing obscurity before turning into a highly sought-after commodity.
Ever Banega would be a lovely 5-a-side player, although he’d never get out of second gear, while you wouldn’t get close to Steven Nzonzi.
Wissam Ben Yedder is a France Futsal international so fives would come easy to him.
Real Madrid
Can you imagine the aggro you’d get trying to face Sergio Ramos on a fives pitch? Don’t forget your shin pads.
Cristiano Ronaldo is obviously in the team, leaving two places for pass master Luka Modric and the man with the magic feet Isco.
Tough on Toni Kroos and Marcelo, who would be a joy to watch in a 5-a-side cage.
Juventus
If Juventus had it their way they’d pick four defenders, but we’ve only allowed them Giorgio Chiellini.
Of course there are no 35-yard textbook free-kicks to be scored in fives but Miralem Pjanic would still be deadly from anywhere on the pitch.
Gonzalo Higuain would do nothing but goal hang, leaving plenty of room for Paulo Dybala to weave his magic.
Verdict
Drum roll please…
The balance of Munich’s five makes them irresistible for us.
You can’t tell us that we’re wrong because none of this will ever happen in real life.
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