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We bet you can’t get through this 1-11 without being violently sick all over yourself

Grab a bucket, these squad number/player combinations will test your gag reflex

The study of squad numbers if a pure and noble pursuit.

Correctly commissioned numbers are one of football’s most wholesome satisfactions.

But some people just want to watch the world burn.

If you can get through this 1-11 without drenching yourself in hot vomit of your own making then we’ll send you a tenner…

Chievo thought they were so clever in 2016

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Chievo thought they were so clever in 2016

Go f**k yourself, Jonathan De Guzman.

If you’re going to take No1 you better slip into a pair of gloves because numero uno should always be reversed for goalkeepers.

Not even Edgar Davids pulled this off when he was player/manager at Barnet.

Kissless virgin

EPA
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Kissless virgin

Have some respect for yourself, Sandro Wagner, you’re a Bayern Munich centre-forward, for crying out loud.

The German spouted some bulls**t about taking the No2 because it was his second spell at the club at his unveiling (similar to Wilfried Bony at Swansea) but there’s no excuse for it.

Grow up

Getty Images - Getty
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Grow up

Out-and-out centre-forward Asamoah Gyan has worn No3 for seven different clubs and for the entire duration of his international career with Ghana.

Nicklas Bendtner, a scourge to squad number purists everywhere, wore No3 at Wolfsburg — although to be fair, his finishing is similar to that of most left-backs.

You’re probably feeling pretty queasy right about now…

Don’t celebrate with him, he doesn’t deserve your love

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Don’t celebrate with him, he doesn’t deserve your love

If you thought Nwankwo Kanu’s real age was a mystery wait until you see what number he wore for Nigeria.

Centre-backs and centre-midfielders are free to play in No4 without judgement but gigantic target men with surprisingly good touches for their height? Get outta here!

Weirdly, Hal Robson-Kanu is currently West Brom’s No4.

Despite what his goal record suggests, the Welshman is actually a forward, which begs the question — what is it with the name Kanu and No4?

Istanbul is great until you remember the state of Baros’ back

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Istanbul is great until you remember the state of Baros’ back

Zinedine Zidane wearing No5 for Real Madrid never quite sat right with us but Zizou can pretty much do whatever he wants.

Milan Baros on the other hand, should feel ashamed of his Liverpool squad number.

Nope

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Nope

If it’s your job to score the goals, stay away from No6, it’s as simple as that.

Darren Huckerby is a likeable bloke but for donning a defender’s number at Norwich and San Jose Earthquakes (ew!) we have distanced him from our warm bosom.

NSFW: Explicit content

Sportsfile - Subscription
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NSFW: Explicit content

Republic of Ireland’s kitman clearly hated Shane Duffy in late 2016.

The Brighton centre-back wore No7 for a World Cup qualifier against Georgia in what can only be described as a unmitigated catastrophe.

If you haven’t got the pre-chunder spits yet then you’re made of sterner stuff than us.

Pathetic

Getty - Contributor
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Pathetic

Glen Johnson wearing No8 is the primary reason you should want Stoke to get relegated.

The Potters’ right-back was team-mates with Steven Gerrard as well, he should know more than most the type of player suited to No8.

CANCEL TRANSFER

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CANCEL TRANSFER

No right-back in the history of the game could pull off No9, especially not Khalid Boulahrouz and his half-price haircut.

Ronaldo, Alan Shearer, Gabriel Batistuta, Gerd Muller… why do Chelsea have such little respect for the ultimate goalscorer’s number?

The Blues stuck it on Steve Sidwell after Boulahrouz as well — no wonder it was cursed by the time Fernando Torres got hold of it.

Ooo, you’re hard

Times Newspapers Ltd
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Ooo, you’re hard

No10 is the best number in football history. Fact.

Pele, Diego Maradona, Lionel Messi, Ronaldinho, Michel Platini… the number has its own mystique, its own gravity.

And William poncing Gallas tried to obliterate it all during his spell with Arsenal.

Pierluigi Collina in the background thinking abut booking Mihajlovic for improper use of No11

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Pierluigi Collina in the background thinking abut booking Mihajlovic for improper use of No11

Sinisa Mihajlovic is a terrible bloke but he was a great player.

The Serbian played most of his games as either centre-back or left-back, positions unworthy of No11.

Sure, he scored a few free-kicks in his time, but that doesn’t grant him free use of a number almost exclusively reserved for left-wingers.

And there it is! Stomach soup all over your favourite fleece.

Get it all out, you’ll feel better for it.


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