Close your ears Mohamed Salah, because you’re not going to like what we’ve got to say next.
Kevin De Bruyne is the best player in England this season. But is he the best version of De Bruyne there’s ever been?
To decide that we need to have an old fashioned Wild West shootout between the current KDB and Wolfsburg’s 2014/15 KDB.
It was during that season De Bruyne set about making a mockery of Chelsea’s decision to let him go for a paltry £18million.
Let’s get the boring details out of the way first.
KDB played every single game of Wolfsburg’s league campaign in 2014/15, scoring ten goals. He’s struck seven times in 27 games this season so he’s well on course to match that tally.
We’ll call that one a draw.
We imagine De Bruyne to be a very selfless lover. That’s not us being weird, it’s just that a man who provided 20 assists for Wolfsburg that season couldn’t be selfish.
The 26-year-old has helped 14 team-mates find the back of the net this season with eight games still to play so, again, there’s not much between the two.
He’s essentially like the fruit machine that’s always paying out in the Red Lion- if you’re with him you’re in the money.
Pictures with Salt Bae
Any athlete worth their salt (pardon the pun) should have a picture with Salt Bae on at least one of their social media accounts.
Diego Maradona, Mesut Ozil, Robin van Persie, David Beckham and countless others have all ticked the box, ensuring their sporting legacies will live on.
City’s De Bruyne wins this battle 1-0.
Near post finishes
It’s easy to bend one into the top corner. But what have you got in the locker when it comes to near post finishes?
Wolfsbrug’s De Bruyne sent Dante back to Brazil before smashing past Manuel Neuer, while for City he played a 70-yard one-two with Leroy Sane then deleted Kasper Schmeichel’s near post.
Sorry to sound like a broken record, but it’s another draw.
We’re presuming that KDB buys a Panini sticker of himself every season so he can look back on them at the end of his career. It’s what we would do.
So when he looks back at those stickers, which one will he treasure the most?
City (top) trumps Wolfsburg because the Bundesliga side’s kit was lime green with a massive white cross in the middle. Simple enough.
What do Javier Zanetti and KDB have in common? Both their middle names are Rupert.
Aside from that, neither’s hair has changed over the course of their career.
Wolfsburg’s KDB is as much of a ringer for The Shermanator as the current KDB. Honours even.
It’s close, but thanks to Salt Bae and City’s superior kit design the current KDB comes out on top.
We hope he remembers to thank the big man when he’s picking up his Player of the Season award.
Just think of all that lovely free steak he’ll get.
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