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Dele Alli in line to replace Steve Smith as captain of the Australian cricket team

"Look mate, the thing is, we need someone who can cheat and get away with it..."

Dele Alli is the unlikely front-runner to replace Steve Smith as the captain of the Australian cricket team.

The world of sport was rocked yesterday after Australia admitted to premeditated cheating in the form of ball-tampering during the Cape Town Test Match against South Africa.

Spurs and England star Alli is the current favourite to be named as Smith’s permanent replacement after a spokesman for Cricket Australia said they wanted someone who ‘could cheat and get away with it’.

A natural

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A natural

“Look mate, Smithy’s done and we need a new skipper,” said Lee Satchelll, “someone who can cheat and get away with it, you know?

“Davey Warner is technically next in line as he’s our vice-captain but he’s also the only bloke in the world with a batting average higher than his IQ.

“I heard someone say we should just stopping cheating altogether but, realistically, that’s not going to happen.”

“I’ve been watching the Premier League this season, and I think Dele’s our guy.

“He’s literally cheating on a weekly basis, throwing himself to the ground whenever some c**t breathes on him.

“It’s so obvious, all the cameras catch him dong it, but he doesn’t care. He just goes out the week after, does it again, and wins a penalty.

“And the best thing is, because he’s a pom and he’s young, the media pretty much let him off.

“Fair f**ks to the lad. We need him in charge of our cricket team as soon as possible.”

Alli is expected to negotiate terms with Cricket Australia once England have been eliminated from the World Cup on penalties in the round of 16.

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