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We picked the England team on CURRENT FORM like Gareth Southgate promised

Are you a man of your word, Gareth?

We’re a little concerned.

Gareth Southgate – the squeaky clean successor to Sam Allardyce’s one game wonder and glorious pints of wine – made a promise upon his appointment as England manager.


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But I like a few beers at the weekend

Reuters
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But I like a few beers at the weekend

A promise that his Three Lions side would always be picked on current form.

So the inclusion of Joe Hart and Danny Welbeck in his latest 23-man roster is, well, a little uninspiring.

Hart has been in and out of the second worst defensive unit in the Premier League whilst Welbeck is third choice striker at Arsenal.

Joe Hart has come in for criticism during his loan spell at West Ham

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Hart has made more errors leading to goals than any other keeper

So we thought we’d take care of Southgate’s job for him and pick a side based purely on recent form.

England lack major tournament experience across the board so prioritising form seems like our best approach in Russia.

First things first some disclaimers.

Before you start questioning our sanity HARRY KANE WOULD OBVIOUSLY BE IN THERE IF HE WASN’T INJURED.

Harry Kane is targeting a return to action against Chelsea on April 1

Ian Walton
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No more of this please Harry

He’s our only world class player.

James Milner is having a stonking season for Liverpool but by virtue of retiring from international duty he’s out of the equation too. Sorry Jimmy.

And an honourable mention also has to go to Marc Albrighton who, if the tactics were a little different, would be right in with a shout.

So listen up, listen in, let us begin by revealing the XI – an attacking 5-2-3 formation – that are absolutely, definitely going to lose to Panama and Tunisia win the bloody World Cup.

Goalkeeper: Nick Pope

Iron fist

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Iron fist

No debate at the moment.

Hart and Jack Butland are between the sticks of the two most porous Premier League defences and Jordan Pickford has only showed flashes of brilliance.

Pope, in stark contrast, has been a pillar of consistency and an utter revelation for Burnley since deputising for Tom Heaton earlier this season.

Defence: Kyle Walker, Eric Dier, James Tarkowski, Harry Maguire, Ashley Young

Maguire is the smartest dumbest looking player in the squad

PA:Press Association
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Maguire is the smartest dumbest looking player in the squad

If Walker is half the player he is for Man City we’re in business.

Dier was possibly the most touch and go option but he just about squeaks in.

Tarkowski and Maguire. More like prime Maldini and Nesta.

Maldini wears his pyjamas

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Maldini wears his pyjamas

Was nice of Mo Salah to remove himself from Young’s pocket for the visit of Watford last weekend too, wasn’t it?

Central midfield: Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Jack Wilshere

Talk about a midfield engine room.

Oxlade-Chamberlain and Wilshere – yes Wilshere – are arguably two of England’s fittest players. Pure hustle and bustle.

Ox heart

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Ox heart

Jack Wilshere a target for two Serie A giants in Juventus and AC Milan

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Some brains behind the brawn

The Ox has finally been released from Arsene Wenger’s shackles and looks twice the player under Jurgen Klopp.

And our Jack has finally put his injury problems behind him to get a regular run in the Arsenal side.

Cue the inevitable season ending ankle ligament injury, then.

Attack: Marcus Rashford, Jamie Vardy, Ryan Sessegnon

Why aren’t we wearing this kit again?

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Why aren’t we wearing this kit again?

What really gives defenders sleepless nights? What’s that one, priceless asset capable of spooking even the most advanced readers of the game?

Pace, of course.

And in these three we’ve got that in abundance.

Rashford has been Man United’s shining light in amongst all the doom and gloom in recent weeks.

What can you say about Vardy? The archetypal wind up merchant is a thorn in anyone’s side and has bagged as many as Romelu Lukaku in the league this season.

If we can keep Jamie away from the Russian Standard Vodka we might be onto something

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If we can keep Jamie away from the Russian Standard Vodka we might be onto something

And only one player born after the millennium can say they’ve scored nine times since the turn of the year.

Unleash Sessegnon down the left and watch the boots quake.

Ryan Sessegnon could be set for a late push for an England World Cup spot

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Wasn’t alive for Man United’s treble win in 1999. Ha.

Conclusions

One word: energy.

We’ll out run, out muscle and out hassle our opposition.

So Gareth, what’s it going to be? Are you a man of your word?

Behold the class of 2018

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Behold the class of 2018

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