Back off Harry Kane. Sit down Kevin De Bruyne. Take a hike Mo Salah.
For the next couple of minutes, we are pretending the Premier League’s so-called ‘top six’ don’t exist.
Those clubs hog too much of the media’s attention anyway.
We’ve assembled the ultimate current XI using only players from the other Premier League clubs that make our domestic league the thrill ride it is.
Which means you won’t find a Man City, Man United, Liverpool, Chelsea, Spurs or Arsenal player in sight.
Before we dive in, it should be noted that a player’s entire career achievements were NOT taken into account — which is why Wayne Rooney hasn’t made the cut.
Instead we’ve selected our players based on their overall form in the last season or two.
And players on loan from top six clubs aren’t eligible either, so that rules out the likes of Ruben Loftus-Cheek, etc.
We’ve also ignored injuries and micro-form (how they’ve performed in the last two or three games) as it gets a bit fiddly then.
Got that? Cool. Now take a look…
She’s beautiful, ain’t she?
The first thing we should do in our attempt to somewhat squash your rage is to list a few players who were very close to making the squad…
James Tarkowski, Michael Keane, Alfie Mawson, Charlie Daniels, Xherdan Shaqiri, Idrissa Gueye, Nathan Redmond, Aaron Mooy and Josh King can all count themselves very unlucky.
Leicester are the most represented club in our combined ‘bottom 14’ starting line-up with four Foxes given the honour.
Jamie Vardy is the current top scorer in the Prem out of those not attached to the big boys while Riyad Mahrez has been permanently linked with a high-profile move away ever since he picked up the PFA Players’ Player of Year award in 2015/16.
Nobody has made more tackles than Wilfried Ndidi in Europe’s top five leagues this season and Harry Maguire has established himself as an international centre-back.
Jordan Pickford and Ryan Bertrand were straightforward choices in their respective positions — although we were nearly seduced by Arthur Masuaku’s dazzling feet.
We’ve disregarded Seamus Coleman’s injury completely to fit in everyone’s favourite marauding Irishman.
Pep Guardiola’s approval is enough to justify the inclusion of Jonny Evans while Pascal Gross is something of a rogue shout — one appreciated on the south coast we hope.
Manuel Lanzini is like a diet version of Philippe Coutinho, we’ve trusted him as playmaker-in-chief at No10.
And Wilfried Zaha completes the set as the only man on Eden Hazard’s level when it comes to Prem dribbling stats in last year or so.
No doubt you have some strong opinions about some/all of our selections.
Let us know what you’re ‘bottom 14’ dream XI would be on Facebook.
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