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Here’s why Bradford will *definitely* be playing Champions League football in a few years’ time

Maybe it's just us but doesn't Red Bull Bradford have a nice ring to it?

The year is 2022.

Our lizard overlords have generously given their human slaves some time off to watch the Champions League draw.

After Javier Zanetti’s head in a jar has completed his introductions and explained how the hologram balls will be drawn, we get down to business.

And Group ZZ has been dubbed the ‘Group of Death’ after PSG, Barcelona and Bayern Munich all had the misfortune of being drawn against the footballing powerhouse that is Bradford.

There is a slim chance that humans will still rule the Earth by then. In which case, Ruud Gullit will probably just do it…

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There is a slim chance that humans will still rule the Earth by then. In which case, Ruud Gullit will probably just do it…

This glimpse into the future is brought to us Red Bull.

The energy drink behemoths have long expressed their interest in taking over an English club in the same manner as RB Leipzig, Red Bull Salzburg, and several others around the world.


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And Bradford may be the latest club to join the empire.

The club’s German owner, Edin Rahic, has revealed he would be delighted if Red Bull were to take over.

“We don’t have too much money, so it would be great for us to get talents on loan and develop them,” Rahic said.

“We would be the perfect platform for a club like Leipzig to test their players.

“Comparable to their cooperation with Salzburg, we could commit ourselves to the same style of play and a similar training philosophy.”

Rahic would welcome some Leipzig talent… obviously

Times Newspapers Ltd
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Rahic would welcome some Leipzig talent… obviously

And it’s not just wishful thinking on Rahic’s part.

He previously worked with RB Leipzig director Ralf Rangnick and was approached by his former colleague in 2012 about a role with the German club.

Rangnick watched Chelsea, Charlton and Brentford play last year, fuelling speculation of a expanse into England.

He talked down such rumours because of UEFA regulations but the governing body have since ruled that RB Leipzig and Red Bull Salzburg would both be able to compete in the Champions League, despite the close link between the two clubs.

This ruling has opened the door for a Red Bull takeover of an English club.

Werner celebrates a goal for Leipzig in the Champions League versus Monaco

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Werner celebrates a goal for Leipzig in the Champions League versus Monaco

Red Bull’s money has catapulted Leipzig from the depths of Germany’s lower divisions to the dizzy height of the Champions League.

Emil Forsberg, Timo Werner and co finished as runners-up in their debut Bundesliga season — evidence of how quickly a club can progress with Red Bull’s financial backing.

Now imagine some garish Red Bull branding

Getty - Contributor
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Now imagine some garish Red Bull branding

This relative success has come at a price of course.

Leipzig are despised by many in Germany — a severed bull’s head was thrown onto the pitch during one of their games prior to their promotion to the top flight.

Fans see them as a symbol of the increasing commercialisation of football.

Although many are probably just jealous of their fast-track route up the ranks.

So then, what does everyone think of the name Red Bull Bradford?


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