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9 things that will definitely happen when Wayne Rooney moves to Everton

The England forward looks set to move back to his former club, but what can we expect from his return?

Wayne Rooney is set for a sensational move back to where he made his name – Everton.

The Toffees are practicing the noble art of properly going nuts in the transfer window, with Rooney one of just a few new signings on their way to Goodison Park.

But with the news of England’s record scorer returning to his former team, we’ve cast our eye into a fairly murky crystal ball to see what will definitely happen when he puts on the blue shirt next season.

1 The announcement will be met with at least one fan not caring

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And rather than being excited about Rooney’s return, they’ll ask for an obscure European player to sign for the club instead.

They’ll be a Twitter egg as well, naturally.

2 Kai Rooney will sign a pre-contract agreement with the Toffees

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England’s future captain will then race against his dad to beat Wayne’s record to be the youngest goalscorer in history for the Three Lions.

3 People will say he’s ‘back to his best’ approximately 17 times in the first month

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If we’re honest, he was actually at his best about a decade ago, but that won’t stop pundits claiming he’s still as good as he was in World Cup 2006.

4 He will score a worldie against Arsenal

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Football occasionally has a beautiful way of sticking to the narrative, so it absolutely has to happen that Rooney would score a worldie against Arsenal.

Petr Cech will be as helpless as David Seaman was back in 2002, and the commentator will put a new spin on that iconic line of that time: “We haven’t forgotten the name, Wayne Rooney.”

5 He’ll start at least one game as centre-back

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One of the hallmarks of Rooney’s recent years is his conversion as a midfielder.

Expect him to drop even deeper, and Ronald Koeman will go full Dutch Total Football and start England’s record goalscorer in a central defensive role.

6 He’ll attempt an overhead kick against Manchester City

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But we sadly all know lightning doesn’t strike twice.

7 He will have a free-kick showdown in training with Ronald Koeman

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And it will break the internet, trust us.

8 His slow journey to becoming a cruise ship crooner will continue

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Everyone knows he’s a huge fan of playing the guitar and friends with Stereophonics frontman Kelly Jones, and Rooney’s actual dream of becoming a crooner will edge ever closer.

9 He’ll end his career at Goodison Park, and it will actually be quite sad

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It’s easy to forget that when all is said and done, Rooney is an English footballing icon.

While he may not have hit the heights in recent years, he’ll be remembered in the future as one of the most talented players of a generation, and his return to Everton is actually a very fitting way to sign off a brilliant career.


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