You can’t predict much in football. But that won’t stop us having a good go.
There’s some transfers that you can see coming from a mile off. We all knew Julien Faubert would eventually head to Real Madrid, right?
So without further ado, here’s eight transfers you can expect to happen next summer…
Xabi Alonso’s retirement has left Bayern Munich and Carlo Ancelotti with a metronomic sized hole to fill in the midfield.
But no worries. Bayern’s scouting department have a tried and trusted method of replacing outgoing stars. Just load up Borussia Dortmund’s Wikipedia page.
Julian Weigl, who boasts a passing accuracy of 90% in the Bundesliga this season, is the chosen one.
Don’t feel too sorry for Dormund- they’ll unearth another 18-year-old who’ll fill the void (before moving to Bayern for triple the price two years later).
You might not have heard of him. We might not have heard of him. But rest assured Arsenal scouts know who Adama Niane is.
As Ligue 2’s top scorer the Troyes striker has soared onto Arsenal’s radar and will be available for a fee of €7million, with Takuma Asano going the other way on a season-long loan.
Will score seven goals in pre-season, much to the excitement of Arsenal fans, before going 23 games without scoring, much to the amusement of Spurs fans.
Partially rebuilds his career at Lorient, although he never rediscovers his pre-Arsenal form.
It was all going so well for Chelsea before Florentino Perez decided to come and f*** things up royally.
First he started commenting on how nice Eden Hazard’s hair was. Then he let it slip how suited to a Real Madrid kit he was. Next thing you know Madrid have submitted a £110mil bid and Hazard’s submitted a transfer request.
Upon signing Hazard will say, in broken Spanglish, how proud he is to play for the club he’s always supported, although photos will emerge of him in a Barcelona kit as a kid.
After a shaky start the combination of Hazard, Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale will crush all before them, although Sergio Ramos still finishes as top scorer in the league.
Be gone, Old Trafford’s number seven curse.
Where Memphis Depay, Angel Di Maria, Antonio Valencia and Michael Owen have failed, Antoine Griezmann succeeds.
The pressure is also off Paul Pogba, now he’s no longer the world’s most expensive player, and the Frenchman flourishes.
Griezmann and Pogba, along with Jesse Lingard, are responsible for changes to FA rules that state you can’t celebrate goals for longer than a minute, after a choreographed dance move lasts 17 minutes.
Antonio Conte tried to sign every member of BBC (Barzagli, Bonucci, Chiellini) but has to make do with Leonardo Bonucci.
The Italian inherits Hazards’ number 10 shirt and sets about forming a partnership with David Luiz which consists of seeing which one can be the first to nutmeg the opposition before launching a 60-yard through ball.
Bonucci registers ten assists in his first season although he also suffers minor burns on the side of his thigh from having to bail Luiz out with last-man slide tackles.
Pioneer of the false five role.
Jurgen Klopp’s mission to swap the entire Liverpool team for Southampton players continues to gather pace with the arrival of Manolo Gabbiadini.
Moves for Virgil van Dijk and Oriol Romeu hit the buffers when Man City blow Liverpool out of the water with a £100m combined offer.
Gabbiadini’s arrival finally calls an end to Daniel Sturridge’s time at Anfield. Despite whispers of a move to PSG Sturridge ends up at West Ham, where he plays alongside Andy Carroll.
When they’re on the pitch together they’re devastating. The only issue is that they make just three combined appearances, before going their separate ways (to the Chinese Super League).
Erik Lamela’s disappearance is talked about less and less to the point that every Spurs fans forgets he exists.
Riyad Mahrez is signed as his replacement, having rediscovered his form under Craig Shakespeare, remembering how to drop his shoulder and commit footballing homicide at will.
Everyone is in agreement that Mahrez is the missing piece of the puzzle, right up to the final day of the window, when PSG manage to poach Dele Alli.
The season fails to live up to expectations, with Spurs drawing a crunch Champions League clash against Ludogorets before dropping out of the competition at the group stages.
Marco Verratti signs for Barcelona, becoming the most expensive Italian in the history of the game.
He refuses to take Xavi’s old number, out of respect for the Spaniard, but he does agree to spike his hair with Brylcreem in the way the pass master used to.
Verratti sets the record number for passes in a game, 309, against Rayo Vallecano at the Nou Camp.
He stays in Spain until the age of 35, at which point Barcelona decide he’s past it. Juventus come in and get another five good years out of him though.