1 When your newborn baby says Paul Scholes was overrated
2 When you thought the game would be called off but you get a text in the morning saying it’s on
3 When you picked Paul Pogba and The Sun says he’s Star Man again
4 When the gaffer’s doing the team talk but you wanna get the pre-match tunes on
5 When Ruud van Nistelrooy pops round for lunch
6 When you need a piss at half time but the queue for the toilet is just too long
7 When you want to collect your acca winnings but bae won’t give your slip back
8 When you go to Cardiff away and get surrounded by their firm
9 When your turn up at home but it’s actually an away fixture
10 When the pub isn’t showing the football but they sell *really* cheap mead
11 When you go to the London Stadium in fancy dress then Joe Hart lets one through his legs after three minutes
12 Taking a tour of Norwich’s trophy room like…
13 When you didn’t pick Harry Kane in your Dream Team but your dog did
14 When Mesut Ozil plays a neat one-two then Granit Xhaka gives it away and gets a yellow card trying to win it back
15 When you’re 3-0 down at half time but the Bovril is on point
16 When you’re the only one with Mo Salah in your Dream Team
17 Waiting for Arsenal to win the league like
