Sam Allardyce has turned down the chance to manage Fulham after discovering the price of a pint of wine in London.
The England one-cap wonder had been heavily linked with the Fulham job after Slavisa Jokanovic’s struggles, but it appears he’ll be staying put.
Lee Satchell, an unofficial source who spends much of his time in the bushes of south-West London, explained the collapse in talks.
Satchell said: “The initial discussions went very well. Fulham promised to bring the Michael Jackson statue back. Big Sam is a big fan of Billie Jean, you see.
“He’d pretty much signed on the dotted line. Fulham promised to let him play five at the back and said they’d do their best to sign Kevin Nolan and Jay-Jay Okocha.
“They even said Bruno N’Gotty could come in for a trial. After all, he can’t be any worse than Denis Odoi and Maxime Le Marchand.
“So Big Sam popped over to the local, The Crabtree, to have a drink and settle the nerves while the numbers people thrashed out a deal.
“He ordered his usual, one pint of Merlot and two bags of scampi fries. But when they tried to charge him £14 he nearly fainted.
“Big Sam’s spent less on world-class strikers. He made his excuses and left without paying. Next thing you know the deal is off the table and he’s on the first bus back to Bolton.
“Fulham couldn’t believe it.”
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