It has been revealed that head Arsenal physio Colin Lewin hasn’t had a day off work in over a decade because of the Gunners’ terrible injury problems.
Lewin is contractually obliged to 28 days holiday a year, but because of the Arsenal players’ famously weak bones and wet cardboard ligaments he hasn’t been allowed a single day off since 2005.
In fact, for the past four years, Lewin has only been allowed to leave the Emirates on two occasions – Christmas day 2013 and one afternoon last spring after he collapsed from exhaustion.
The two main causes of Lewin’s heavy workload are thought to be Jack Wilshere and, before his merciful exit, Abou Diaby.
A friend of Lewin said: “I haven’t seen Colin in person for years. I thought he might make my birthday early this month but then Wilshere cut his nails too close and that set him back another 2-3 weeks.”
Lewin himself spoke romantically about his plans for his first day’s rest in a decade: “I just want to hear the birds chirp again, the smell of freshly cut grass, even just a hour of television.
“On my last day off I signed up for MySpace and watched a few episodes of Lost. Both those things are still popular right?”
Some reports suggest Lewin currently has time for just one meal a day and sleeps only three hours a night in a dark corner of Arsenal’s medical room.
Arsenal have been advertising for a physio’s assistant since 2007. At the time of writing there have been no applicants.