It all started with a pint of wine.
Sam Allardyce should have been managing England at this World Cup.
That was the plan.
But after one game in charge, the Daily Telegraph’s sting put an end to his reign.
So how does Big Sam watch the World Cup?
It must be weird for him, knowing what could have been if he hadn’t babbled on about third-party ownership while indulging in 568ml of fermented grapes.
Nothing could have prepared us for his preferred environment.
Ladies and gentlemen, Big Sam, in a pub, on his own, with a Big Mac…
What kind of pub allows outside food?
Did Big Sam even ask the landlord’s permission?
Has he got a drink?
It doesn’t look like it but surely he hasn’t just pulled up a pew for the whole 90 minutes with nothing but a 10 grams of saturated fat for company.
Is that a Sports Direct bag in the background and if so, is it Sam’s and WHAT HAS HE BROUGHT?
How did he celebrate the goals?
Did he stay until the end?
Was the milkshake machine working?
Sadly we will never know the answers to the hundreds of questions we have of this scene.
All we know is this brief nine second video will now replace oxygen as our life-giving property of choice.
Big Sam’s Big Mac — oh God, it’s just perfect.