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Panama defenders spend two minutes practising Judo, forget they’re involved in a football game

John Stones opened the scoring in the 8th minute while his team-mates were forced into a Royal Rumble

Stuff that in your s**t hats, you canal-loving mugs.

After the VAR officials made it quite clear they would not be giving England any penalties in the Tunisia game, Panama decided to fill their boots at the first corner in Sunday’s early kick-off.

As Kieran Trippier prepared to whip in outswinger, Harry Kane and Harry Maguire were unconsensual engaged in Judo bouts.

Hands off the Sheffield Beckenbauer!

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Hands off the Sheffield Beckenbauer!

The referee warned the Panana players about being overly physical but they continued to wrestle two of England’s key men as the ball came in.

In all the excitement, the central Americans forgot a football game was taking place.

John Stones suddenly found himself unmarked in the middle of the box and aimed his free header into the bottom corner.

Ref?

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Ref?

Ref!

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Ref!

Oh, Stonesy is free… happy days

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Oh, Stonesy is free… happy days

The Panama players have clearly come to play dirty with all sorts of s**thousery going on in the first half.

The good news is Gareth Southgate’s men have kept their cool and scored three nerve-settling goals before the break.

Kane’s emphatic penalty following a foul on Jesse Lingard doubling the Three Lions’ lead after 22 minutes.

Before the Man United midfielder curled in a beautiful strike from 20 yards out after a neat exchange with Raheem Sterling on the edge of the box.

UPDATE: We can’t keep up with this rout… it’s probably 10-0 by now.