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Wow, okay honestly, we didn’t expect you to say yes.

Jurgen, is that you?

Rules are rules though — in this hypothetical world of ours, Liverpool are now champions!

That’s good, isn’t it?

EPA
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That’s good, isn’t it?

BUT HOW DID THEY SEAL THE DEAL?

Did they romp home with a succession of emphatic humpings, lashing six or seven goals past some of the league’s most notable custodians and whoever plays actually in goal for Fulham? CANS rolling down the Anfield steps and jolly scousers smoking and dancing in the stands as flares rain down on Adam Lallana’s relentless Cruyff turns. A two-month long party that engulfs the whole of Merseyside, well not Everton’s bit, but all the good parts anyway. King Klopp ferried around town on the shoulders of willing foot bearers who carve their way through traffic and streams of lager. City and Spurs crumbling in every game so that the Reds get to p*ss about in dead rubbers for the last month; Dejan Lovren’s free-kicks and Simon Mignolet leading the boys out for the Guard of Honour™ at St Mary’s and so on?

Wait, what?

Alamy Live News
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Wait, what?

OR…

A nail-biting finale that makes AGUEROOOOOO look tame. Having been reduced to eight men by an overtly corrupt referee, Liverpool draw level with Wolves in the 101st minute (don’t ask). Man City, having been boosted to 13 men by an equally corrupt referee, are 17-0 up at Brighton. But one goal would do it for Klopp’s men. Suddenly, the ball breaks to Danny Sturridge on the edge of the box. He bravely defies his torn hamstring, strained calf and shattered ankle to find Bobby in space. Martin Tyler: FIRMINOOOOOO! I SWEAR YOU’LL ONLY SEE SOMETHING LIKE THIS EVERY EIGHT OR NINE YEARS. WATCH IT, CONSUME IT, EITHER LIVE OR VIA MATCH OF THE DAY LATER!

UMM, THE FIRST ONE?

THE AGUERO COPY