Pre-season was a mythical beast before the days of YouTube.
You might score the best goal ever to grace a football pitch but it will instantly be reduced to folklore thanks to a lack of cameras.
Luckily cameras were in place to capture the following goals, although criminally none of them counted towards official figures unless you’re Pele, in which case they counted as double or triple.
Yossi Benayoun (Scored for Chelsea against Wycombe Wanderers)
If you ever find yourself stuck for an answer to a piece of footballing trivia just answer ‘Yossi Benayoun’.
Who is the only player to score a hat-trick in the Premier League, Champions League and FA Cup? Yossi Benayoun.
Who scored the best pre-season goal of all time? Yossi Benayoun.
Thierry Henry (scored for Arsenal against Weiz FC)
‘Philippe Senderos strides out with the ball’ isn’t normally the precursor to a piece of footballing magic.
But when Henry controlled his launched pass, flicked the ball over a recovering defender with his right foot and lobbed SC Weiz’s goalkeeper with his left foot there was only one word to describe it.
David Blaine, eat your heart out.
Gareth Bale (scored for Real Madrid against Inter Milan)
Garry B loves playing against Inter Milan.
In the 2014 International Champions Cup money making scheme between Madrid and Inter he clearly couldn’t be bothered to run.
Crash, bang, wallop. The net reportedly sued for grievous bodily harm.
Oscar Rodriguez (scored for Real Madrid against Man City)
Okay, we take back what we said about the ICC.
It’s seemingly impossible for two sides to meet in the competition without a certified golazo being scored.
Oscar found the net in the 90th minute of a pre-season friendly in which Madrid were already 4-0 down.
Has there ever been such a beautifully meaningless goal?
Marcel Ndjeng (scored for Paderborn against Bolton)
Ahh, nothing happening here.
Just a bit of headed ping-pong.
Probably time to sneak out for a half-time… OH MY F****** S*** WHAT IN THE LORD’S NAME WAS THAT?!
Filippo Inzaghi (scored for AC Milan against Barcelona)
‘That lad must have been born offside’.
Sir Alex Ferguson’s assessment of Inzaghi was ruthlessly dismantled when he smashed Clarence Seedorf’s pass in on the volley against Barcelona.
Not that we’re going to tell Fergie he was wrong.
Raul (scored for Schalke against Al-Sadd)
Not so much a goal as a piece of performance art from Julien Draxler.
There’s a bit of karate to take the cross down. Then a nutmeg to ghost past a defender. Then the third part we can’t even describe as it wouldn’t do it justice.
Of course Raul was on hand to tap home from three-yards out. Where’s the justice in that?
Robin van Persie (scored for Arsenal against Inter Milan)
The Emirates Cup is for Arsenal fans what the Champions League is for Real Madrid supporters.
It’s their pride and joy.
No wonder they all still talk about this swivel and bury from Van Persie.
Carl Jenkinson (scored for FC Koln against Arsenal)
This last one had to be included as it’s arguably the best own goal ever scored.
Well done, Carl.
You’re a hero to Sunday League defenders up and down the country.