England World Cup squad announcements always bring out the idiots.
Just look at the amount of people calling for Wilfried Zaha’s inclusion, despite the fact he was born in Abidjan and has eight caps for Ivory Coast to his name.
Danny Welbeck, aka Dat Guy Welbz, aka Wele, gets more flak than most.
But we’re not having it. We’re here to defend Welbeck.
This is a man who has scored 15 goals in 37 games for England, giving him an international strike rate of 2.47.
Not bad. Even better when you put it up against these seven forwards who will also be in Russia.
Radamel Falcao (29 goals in 71 games for Colombia, strike rate of 2.48)
Sure, he’s won back to back Europa League top scorer awards. Sure, he’s picked up titles in Argentina, Portugal, Spain and France.
He once even chipped Willy Caballero so badly that the Argentinian turned into a battered fish.
But his international strike rate pales into significance when compared to Welbeck’s.
If you can’t understand the difference 0.1 makes in terms of world-class striking ability then this game isn’t for you.
Antoine Griezmann (19 goals in 51 games for France, strike rate of 2.83)
Griezmann might come out on top in the celebration stakes, but he stole those from Drake and Fortnite so he gets zero marks for creativity.
Has he ever scored against Moldova? Nope. Has he netted twice against Sweden? Nope. Does he know what it feels like to bother the back of the net against Lithuania? You get the picture.
We don’t need to say any more.
Roberto Firmino (5 goals in 19 games for Brazil, strike rate of 3.8)
Firmino might run a lot and possess the heatmap of Claude Makelele.
But imagine the amount of goals Dat Guy Welbz would bang if he was surrounded by the creative genius of Neymar, Philiippe Coutinho and Paulinho.
It almost doesn’t bear thinking about.
Mario Mandzukic (30 goals in 82 games for Croatia, strike rate of 2.73)
Again, if Welbeck had Ivan Rakitic, Luka Modric and Ivan Perisic supplying the bullets he’d be up there with David Nugent in the 1 goal, 1 game England club.
But we won’t dig Mandzukic out too much. He’s won multiple league titles in Croatia, Germany and Juventus and scored a bicycle kick in the Champions League final.
He’s also massive.
Dries Mertens (13 goals in 65 games for Belgium, strike rate of 4.92)
In fairness to Mertens, no one realised how good a striker he was until he reached 30.
He wasted away season after season playing out on the wing for Utrecht, PSV and Napoli.
Come to think of it, Welbeck is doing the same but in reverse. He’ll be playing left-back before long.
Kylian Mbappe (3 goals in 12 games for France, strike rate of 4)
Remember when Welbeck was as hyped as Mbappe is now? Nope? Well you’re probably too young then.
Mbappe might be one of the most expensive players on the planet but he’d still lose out to Welbeck in Top Trumps when it comes to the all important strike rate.
That’s all that matters, really.
Anthony Martial (1 goal in 18 games for France, strike rate of 18)
We promise we’re not picking on French forwards.
Martial and Welbeck could be team-mates before long, at which point they’ll probably share stories of the lonely life out on the left wing.
Jose Mourinho’s project to turn Marital into the world’s first false 3 has failed miserably.
Dream Team World Cup has landed
The greatest show on Earth just got that bit more exciting.
That’s because the Dream Team World Cup game is coming ahead of this summer’s tournament.
Dream Team World Cup
- Completely free to enter
- £50m budget and 20 transfers throughout the tournament
- £175k total prizepot (for UK players only)
- PRE-REGISTER FOR DREAM TEAM WORLD CUP NOW
The game officially launches on June 1 – but you can pre-register for the game now.
If you’re an existing Dream Team customer the World Cup game now appears in the app or you can enter here, but if you’re not follow these simple steps:
- Download the Dream Team app
- Create an account
- Click on the World Cup banner below in the app and follow the pre-registration instructions
From Russia with a whole lot of love.