As much as you try and ignore them they end up weaving their way into your life.
You absentmindedly end up on gossip columns as soon as you wake up. You drift off and find yourself refreshing Twitter for transfer rumours while you’re on the loo.
But don’t worry, we’re going to put you out of your misery.
You can see some transfers coming from a mile off- clearer than Geoff Hurst’s second goal in the 1966 World Cup final.
So we’ve written them up to save you the stress. Thank us later.
Radamel Falcao- Monaco to Wolves
Let’s start with a bit of mathematics.
Wolves’ Premier League transfer budget + Jorge Mendes’ black book = Falcao scoring 13 league goals next season.
Expect Ryan Bennett to be sent to Monaco in return.
Wilfred Ndidi- Leicester to Chelsea
There’s a must-have trend on the King’s Road every summer.
It’s not the latest drop from Ralph Lauren. It’s not the latest Hermes handbag. It’s Leicester’s best midfielder.
First came N’Golo Kante. Then came Danny Drinkwater. But they’re so last season. This year it’s all about Ndidi.
Anthony Martial- Man United to Arsenal
[Insert underwhelming Arsenal managerial appointment here]’s first signing will be typically Arsenal.
Having looked at a squad crying out for defensive reinforcements he’ll instead sign Martial for £10million more than he should.
At first it looks inspired, with Martial, Mesut Ozil, Henrikh Mkhitaryan, Alexandre Lacazette and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang all somehow managing to fit into the same team.
But then Arsenal travel to Stoke in the League Cup with Konstantinos Mavropanos and Rob Holding in defence. The rest is Arsenal Fan TV gold.
Gareth Bale- Real Madrid to Man United
‘See, we did it. We bullied Real Madrid into selling. We’re still the biggest team in the world. Ever’.
Jose Mourinho’s bullish press conference upon signing Bale won’t be particularly humble.
What he won’t mention is that he’s paying Bale £500,000-a-week despite crippling injuries and that Florentino Perez kept breaking out into hysteric laughter throughout negotiations.
Bas Dost- Sporting CP to Spurs
Spurs’ search for a second choice striker who’s able to hit the ground running but willing to sit on the bench and watch Harry Kane for five months will take them to Portugal.
Fans take to Wikipedia to find a striker who’s scored 60 goals in the last two seasons.
Six months later he’s been loaned to Fenerbahce without scoring, joining Vincent Janssen, Roberto Soldado and Gregorz Rasiak.
Luke Shaw- Man United to Bournemouth
If you’re English, often injured and struggling, where better to go than Bournemouth?
Costa del Mouth sorted Jack Wilshere’s career out, and it’ll do the same to Shaw.
A hearty diet of sea air coupled with fish and chips is what every Roberto Carlos wannabee needs.
Joe Allen- Stoke to Celtic
The award for the most obvious signing of the summer has to go to Allen’s impending Celtic move.
He’s Brendan Rodgers’ favourite human being on the planet. He’ll be protected by Scott Brown. He’ll face off against Rangers’ player-manager Steven Gerrard in the Old Firm.
It’s written in the stars. In Irn Bru.
Dream Team World Cup has landed!
The greatest show on Earth just got that bit more exciting.
That’s because the Dream Team World Cup game is now live ahead of this summer’s tournament.
Dream Team World Cup
- Completely free to enter
- £50m budget and 20 transfers throughout the tournament
- £175k total prizepot (for UK players only)
- SIGN UP FOR DREAM TEAM WORLD CUP NOW
Messi? Ronaldo? Jordan Henderson? Take your pick, they’re all available for you to select at your mercy.
It’s absolutely free to enter, there’s a mouthwatering £175k prizepot and you can even play outside the UK.
So what are you waiting for? Sign up here!