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JIM WHITE

7 inevitable transfers that will happen in the summer whether you like it or not

Sound the klaxon. These transfers are more inevitable than rain on July 1

Transfers.

As much as you try and ignore them they end up weaving their way into your life.

You absentmindedly end up on gossip columns as soon as you wake up. You drift off and find yourself refreshing Twitter for transfer rumours while you’re on the loo.


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But don’t worry, we’re going to put you out of your misery.

You can see some transfers coming from a mile off- clearer than Geoff Hurst’s second goal in the 1966 World Cup final.

So we’ve written them up to save you the stress. Thank us later.

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Radamel Falcao- Monaco to Wolves

Let’s start with a bit of mathematics.

Wolves’ Premier League transfer budget + Jorge Mendes’ black book = Falcao scoring 13 league goals next season.

Expect Ryan Bennett to be sent to Monaco in return.

‘You said I was joining Liverpool’

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‘You said I was joining Liverpool’

Wilfred Ndidi- Leicester to Chelsea

There’s a must-have trend on the King’s Road every summer.

It’s not the latest drop from Ralph Lauren. It’s not the latest Hermes handbag. It’s Leicester’s best midfielder.

First came N’Golo Kante. Then came Danny Drinkwater. But they’re so last season. This year it’s all about Ndidi.

Leicester Reserves

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Leicester Reserves

Anthony Martial- Man United to Arsenal

[Insert underwhelming Arsenal managerial appointment here]’s first signing will be typically Arsenal.

Having looked at a squad crying out for defensive reinforcements he’ll instead sign Martial for £10million more than he should.

At first it looks inspired, with Martial, Mesut Ozil, Henrikh Mkhitaryan, Alexandre Lacazette and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang all somehow managing to fit into the same team.

But then Arsenal travel to Stoke in the League Cup with Konstantinos Mavropanos and Rob Holding in defence. The rest is Arsenal Fan TV gold.

A one-way Fly Emirates ticket out of Manchester

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A one-way Fly Emirates ticket out of Manchester

Gareth Bale- Real Madrid to Man United

‘See, we did it. We bullied Real Madrid into selling. We’re still the biggest team in the world. Ever’.

Jose Mourinho’s bullish press conference upon signing Bale won’t be particularly humble.

What he won’t mention is that he’s paying Bale £500,000-a-week despite crippling injuries and that Florentino Perez kept breaking out into hysteric laughter throughout negotiations.

Stealing Juan Mata’s number is bad karma

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Stealing Juan Mata’s number is bad karma

Bas Dost- Sporting CP to Spurs

Spurs’ search for a second choice striker who’s able to hit the ground running but willing to sit on the bench and watch Harry Kane for five months will take them to Portugal.

Fans take to Wikipedia to find a striker who’s scored 60 goals in the last two seasons.

Six months later he’s been loaned to Fenerbahce without scoring, joining Vincent Janssen, Roberto Soldado and Gregorz Rasiak.

Soon to be the proud wearer of a Fenerbahce shirt

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Soon to be the proud wearer of a Fenerbahce shirt

Luke Shaw- Man United to Bournemouth

If you’re English, often injured and struggling, where better to go than Bournemouth?

Costa del Mouth sorted Jack Wilshere’s career out, and it’ll do the same to Shaw.

A hearty diet of sea air coupled with fish and chips is what every Roberto Carlos wannabee needs.

Not a Jose Mourinho in sight

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Not a Jose Mourinho in sight

Joe Allen- Stoke to Celtic

The award for the most obvious signing of the summer has to go to Allen’s impending Celtic move.

He’s Brendan Rodgers’ favourite human being on the planet. He’ll be protected by Scott Brown. He’ll face off against Rangers’ player-manager Steven Gerrard in the Old Firm.

It’s written in the stars. In Irn Bru.

Splendid

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Splendid

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The greatest show on Earth just got that bit more exciting.

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Dream Team World Cup

Can Messi finally achieve glory internationally?

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Can Messi finally achieve glory internationally?

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It’s absolutely free to enter, there’s a mouthwatering £175k prizepot and you can even play outside the UK.

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