Goalkeepers are barely human.
But they serve a purpose.
While the rest of us keep warm on a Sunday morning by running around the pitch, those mad bastards between the sticks must make do with the fire in their hearts.
Often overlooked, a world-class keeper can make all the difference to a team — just look at Man City.
Marc-Andre ter Stegen is pretty handy with the gloves, but the German graciously omitted himself from the discussion when asked about the top five keepers in the world.
Speaking ahead of Barcelona’s Champions League quarter-final second leg away to Roma, the 25-year-old listed David De Gea, Manuel Neuer, Gianluigi Buffon, Alisson and Ederson as the five best stoppers on the planet right now.
De Gea and Alisson’s shot-stopping has made them invaluable to Man United and Roma respectively this season.
Ederson’s distribution has made him just as much an asset to Man City going forward as in defence.
And the experienced duo of Buffon and Neuer are unquestionably two of the greatest keepers to ever play the game.
The Bayern and Germany legend made Ter Stegen’s list despite missing the majority of the season with a broken foot.
Barca’s keeper has excellent taste when it comes to his peers but the question is – does he deserve a place among the top five himself?
Similar to Ederson, Ter Stegen’s feet are as important to his game as his hands.
Back in 2016, there were rumours Luis Enrique considered playing Ter Stegen in midfield after a few regulars were ruled out with injury.
This proved to be nothing but gossip but the fact that many believed it, with some even looking forward to it, is testament to the German’s ball-playing talents.
For much of this season, Ter Stegen has arguably been Barca’s second-best player, after Lionel Messi of course.
Where before he was prone to errors, now he is not only a reliable figure, but a momentum-switcher as well.
The other notable absentee is Jan Oblak.
Atletico Madrid’s Slovenian keeper has limited Diego Simeone’s side to conceding just 15 goals in the league so far this campaign — giving them the best record in La Liga.
He also boasts the highest save percentage (85%) of any keeper in Europe’s top five leagues this season.
If we were to edit this top five, we would swap out Buffon (finally succumbing to age) and Neuer (injured) for Ter Stegen and Oblak.
But that’s just us.