It’s a sunny day in 2019 but while the rest of England rejoices half of north London is grieving.
Spurs have just been relegated for the first time in Premier League history.
What went wrong? How did Spurs’ inevitable march towards being the champions of England get knocked off course so quickly?
It all started with Mauricio Pochettino’s move to Real Madrid in January 2018.
As soon as Zinedine Zidane dropped Cristiano Ronaldo it was inevitable. But Spurs were clearly caught cold.
Attempts to woo Diego Simeone failed after Daniel Levy insisted on splitting the bill with the Atletico Madrid boss.
Similar mishaps saw Maurizio Sarri and Max Allegri pass on the job.
After four months of searching and with the 2017/18 season coming to a close Levy shocked everyone by handing the role to Mikel Arteta.
Although Spurs finished seventh, missing out on Champions League, optimism was high heading into the transfer window.
That optimism lasted until 11.37am on 1 July, when Real Madrid announced they’d completed the signings of Harry Kane and Jan Vertonghen.
The only silver lining was that Harry Winks refused a move on the advice of Jonathan Woodgate.
Three days later Hugo Lloris was signed by PSG, who offered him the captain’s armband and half of Neymar’s Instagram following.
Arteta was quick to dismiss rumours linking Spurs with a world-record move for Atletico’s Jan Oblak, claiming that he’d seen enough of Paulo Gazzaniga in training to be convinced of his ability.
Michel Vorm was handed a new three-year deal to sit on the bench at Spurs’ swanky new Uber Stadium.
Having left it too late to sign a replacement for Kane, and with Gareth Bale’s failed medical scuppering a return, Arteta was forced to sign West Brom’s Salomon Rondon.
Levy’s gamble to only sell season tickets in return for Bitcoins backfired when the cryptocurrency market crashed, leaving Arteta with little money to spend in the transfer market.
Then, on transfer deadline day, Pep Guardiola’s full-back addiction kicked in and Man City signed Kieran Trippier as well as Danny Rose for a combined £170million, despite the fact City had already bought Joshua Kimmich and Jordi Alba.
In short, Spurs’ transfer window was a complete disaster.
Rondon was left as the main striker, with only Fernando Llorente and Vincent Janssen left for cover.
Fenerbahce passed on an option to sign Janssen permanently when they realised his turning circle was wider than that of a London taxi.
Kyle Walker-Peters was promoted to first choice right-back with youngster Kyle Walker-Walker Peters-Peters in reserve.
Their season couldn’t have gone much worse either.
Dele Alli’s 15-match ban for swearing at a referee for the third game in a row set the tone for a disastrous campaign.
Here’s a visual representation of the moment for those of you that missed it.
St Totteringham’s day came earlier than ever and by the time Spurs’ relegation was confirmed Arteta had been sacked.
But it’s not all bad news, Spurs fans.
Tim Sherwood was selected to lead Spurs’ promotion campaign and he didn’t disappoint.
His decision to promote an unheard of youth striker into the first-team was inspired, with Kaziah Sterling finishing as the Championship’s top goalscorer and breaking into the England squad.
When the going gets tough, Tim gets going.
DISCLAIMER: We’re not anti-Spurs. This is all fiction. We love Spurs really, as this proves.
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