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RETURN OF ROY

Which player would major European clubs bring back if they had the chance?

Walk with us to a parallel universe where each European club is allowed to bring one club legend back

Imagine if, rather than a transfer market, teams had the ability to bring one former player back to the club.

Not just bring them back in their current form. That wouldn’t be very useful. We’re talking about bringing them back in their prime, using some form of time travel cryotherapy procedure.

Franck Ribery has the right idea

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Franck Ribery has the right idea

Now of course this is impossible. But in an era of Trump, Brexit, Wexit and hanging parliaments, we’re sure you can roll with it.

So who would clubs bring back if they had the chance?

Man United

After growing tired of Roy Keane slaughtering the club on ITV2 following every 0-0 draw with a Europa League minnow, United bring the Irishman out of retirement.

His main role is to be Paul Pogba’s bodyguard, ensuring the Frenchman can finally set about living up to his world-record transfer fee.

Unfortunately Keane mistakes Kevin De Bruyne for Alf-Inge Haland in his first Manchester derby and gets himself a 45-match ban.

The image that inspired The Shining

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The image that inspired The Shining

Juventus

Leonardo Bonucci’s move to Chelsea leaves a gaping hole in Juventus’ BBC back three.

No worries. Fabio Cannavaro comes back in all his 5ft 9in glory to play alongside Giorgio Chiellini and Andrea Barzagli.

Juventus become the first team to go an entire Serie A campaign without conceding a goal, and Gianluigi Buffon finally wins the Ballon d’Or.

Fabio celebrates every header as if he’s just scored a goal

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Fabio celebrates every header as if he’s just scored a goal

Inter Milan

Inter are in a right ol’ pickle at the moment.

What better to shake them out of their funk than Ronaldo in his prime, knees fully intact and belly nowhere to be seen?

He’s so good he makes team-mate Gary Medel look like Diego Maradona, assisting goals left, right and centre.

Back when kits were still as flair as the players

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Back when kits were still as flair as the players

Liverpool

We know what you’re thinking. If Liverpool could have one player back it would be Steven Gerrard, right?

Wrong. That’s a bit too obvious. Instead we’d bring Robbie Fowler back to bang in the goals in front of the Kop.

It makes perfect sense when you think about it. Liverpool finally have someone to finish the chances Philippe Coutinho creates.

That’s one way to celebrate a goal

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That’s one way to celebrate a goal

Barcelona

Barcelona’s point blank refusal to sign a world-class partner for Gerard Pique is ended by Carlos Puyol’s return.

Puyol’s willingness to put his head where it hurts and Pique’s ability to play out from the back become a more dangerous partner than MSN.

They become such good pals that they record a song with Shakira which goes number one in 39 different countries.

A face made for defending

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A face made for defending

Milan

We’d have liked to bring back Andrea Pirlo or Kaka but as they’re technically still playing we’re going to have to choose someone else.

So welcome back to the San Siro, Andriy Shevchenko.

Leave the politics behind and come back to what you do best, leathering the pig’s bladder into the back of the onion bag.

You can try as hard as you want Andriy, but you’re never going to fly

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You can try as hard as you want Andriy, but you’re never going to fly

Arsenal

With Yaya Sanogo leaving Arsenal there’s only one man fit to lace his boots. Step forward Monsieur Thierry Henry.

The best things come in threes, so it’s only right to get Henry back for a third spell at the club.

While you’re at it, you may as well bring Jeremie Aliadiere and Quincy Owusu-Abeyie back.

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Fiorentina

Bring back Gabriel Batistuta. Bring back Rui Costa. Bring back Francesco Toldo. Bring back Tomas Repka for all we care.

Just as long as they bring that lovely purple Nintendo kit.

That collar though

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That collar though

Real Madrid

What do you get a team that already has everything?

We were thinking about bringing Fernando Redondo back from retirement, but that’s a bit harsh on Casemiro.

So instead, for s**** and giggles, we’re bringing back Julien Faubert. You never know, Zinedine Zidane may be able to work miracles with him.

Cheer up mate, you’re playing for Real Madrid

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Cheer up mate, you’re playing for Real Madrid

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