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10 signs you know you’re missing Premier League football

Pre-season might be providing us with some sweet relief from the world of no football... but it's no Premier League is it?

Pre-season might be providing us with some sweet relief from the world of no football… but it’s no Premier League is it?

But what are the biggest signs you know you’re missing the action? Try these for size.

1 You’re pretending to have some interest in your local team

Hey, we’re not judging you… but it seems peculiar that you’re now really interested how Worthing United are doing.

2 You’ve started watching classic moments from Premier League history

Dennis Bergkamp turning Nikos Dabizas inside out? Tony Yeboah scoring that goal? David Beckham lobbing Neil Sullivan?

You’ve seen those compilation videos a thousand times, but you’re really getting desperate now…


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3 You’ve looked at your Dream Team points to realise… there’s no games

Other than the obviously golden content, you’ve resigned yourself to looking at what percentage of managers have picked Romelu Lukaku this season.

It’s 59.1%, FYI.

4 Your social media feeds aren’t giving you anything

tweet

Some girl you barely knew from school has had a child, a guy who you played football with once is being racist, and your auntie who lives abroad has shared a motivational quote.

Please, give us back our football.

5 You’re cleaning your car

car

Your partner’s been on at you for weeks that the motor needs a scrub, and now you’ve run out of excuses.

There’s no hiding, just get on with it.

6 You’re watching the Formula One

lew.land3

Console yourself with this golden quote from Hamilton a couple of years back: “I’ve got my mum’s 60th coming up, I’ve got friends’ events coming up, I’ve got more races to win, we’ve got the team end-of-year party.

“We’ve got Stars and Cars… jeez man, I’ve got to get some good sleep because there’s going to be a lot of partying.”

Please spare us.

7 You’re doing DIY

lawrence

Maybe this Premier League-less week might be resourceful after all!

Whack out the WD40, drill a couple of holes for the bathroom mirror, and get the glue gun out to fix that picture frame. You own the summer!

In reality, you only get round to oiling the gammy front door handle. Until next time…

8 You’ve gone to the pub and are actually having a conversation

pub

Crazy as it sounds, you’ve gone to meet up with your mates, and you’re actually talking about stuff.

How’s your kid doing at school? How’s the new job? When can we come and see the new extension? This conversation lark is great fun!

Maybe we’ll do it again sometime, eh guys?

9 You’ve started reading a book about football

fergie

You’ve bought Sir Alex Ferguson’s new autobiography, thinking you’ll actually read it, but obviously it’s been sat on the bedside table for weeks now.

Today might just be the day it gets opened… that is, until you remember you still haven’t got round to reading his first one.

10 You’ve stayed in bed all day

soccer saturday

Well, what’s the point of doing anything if there’s no Jeff Stelling, Sun Goals highlights and Dream Team ratings to see?

Obviously, you should be spending all your time playing the new Dream Team game – click here to play!


Sign up to play Dream Team 2017/18 now


DREAM TEAM COMEDY: Post-Football Season Stress Disorder is affecting us all