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95% of UK relationships come to an end as FIFA 19 is released

Relationships across the country have been dropping like flies for some unknown reason...

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95% of all relationships have ended today as EA Sports officially released FIFA 19 in the UK.

Phone networks underwent a massive surge in traffic around 9am this morning as boyfriends across the land sent break-up texts to their partners and sick notes to their bosses.

Approximately 99% of weekend plans have been cancelled as young males prepare to enter hibernation for the winter.

One chap, Lee Satchell, queued up late last night so he could purchase the game at midnight. He had this to say: “Yeah, I’ve got rid of the missus.

“She did a good job of killing time before the release. I’ve sacked her off before she did the same to me. It’s best for both of us.

“I’m not planning to see daylight for the next few months. There’s only one love in my life now and his name is Alex Hunter.”

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The remaining relationships are expected to dwindle in numbers once partners realise the full extent of FIFA’s pulling power.

In other news, non-gaming lads have been absolutely cleaning up on Hinge this morning…


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