Determining the league table by actual points gained has worked out pretty well for the Premier League in recent years.
But what if the powers that be decided to mix it up and used Dream Team points as the ultimate currency?
Obviously the whole thing would be a farcical sham… but let’s take a look at what this season’s league table would look like if the nonsensical change was implemented.
20th Watford – 188 points
The Hornets and their rotating cast of temporary managers are rock bottom.
Incredibly, Watford’s 20 active assets have combined for 45 fewer points than what Mohamed Salah (£8.2m) has achieved on his own.
Emmanuel Dennis (£2.8m) is doing a lot of heavy lifting – he’s produced 38.3% of the entire squad’s points.
Craig Cathcart’s (£0.5m) tally of -15 is hindering the collective effort significantly.
19th Norwich – 305 points
Teemu Pukki (£2.2m) is the Canaries’ most-popular asset (0.3% ownership) and their highest scorer (40) but that’s like celebrating the most delicious Brussels sprout on the plate.
18th Newcastle – 307 points
Eddie Howe’s men hold a slender lead over Norwich, thanks mostly to their talisman Allan Saint-Maximin (£3.6m).
The dribble-obsessed Frenchman has generated 72 points, in stark contrast to Matt Ritchie’s (£0.5m) total of -19.
The Scotsman is Dream Team’s outright worst performer at this stage – ouch.
17th Leeds – 359 points
Wingers Raphinha (£4.4m) and Jack Harrison (£2.7m) are keeping the ship afloat in this instance – the pair have combined for 147 points, 41% of the squad’s grand total.
Patrick Bamford (£3.9m) was a top ten forward in Dream Team for the majority of last season but he’s missed most of 2021/22 through injury.
The Whites’ injury crisis has severely limited their collective returns.
16th Burnley – 383 points
No Burnley asset appears in more than 0.5% of teams at the time of writing, probably because they abstained from actually playing football for a while.
It will be interesting to see if Maxwel Cornet (£3.3m) can pick up where he left off when he returns from the Africa Cup of Nations.
15th Everton – 422 points
The Toffees had three midfielders in the top ten for a few weeks in succession during the halcyon days of August and September.
Andros Townsend (£3.5m), Demarai Gray (£3.2m) and Abdoulaye Doucoure (£2.2m) burst out of the blocks but it’s been slim pickings for nearly four months now.
Dominic Calvert-Lewin’s (£5.3m) return from injury should help Everton’s points tally in the long run – that’s the theory anyway.
14th Brentford – 501 points
Ivan Toney (£3.6m) is on the brink of joining the 100 Club™ after his technically-sound volley against Wolves at the weekend, albeit in a losing cause.
Many Dream Team bosses have been underwhelmed by the Bees’ frontman, his current goal tally of seven is respectable if unremarkable, but his points tally (95) is only bettered by five other forwards.
13th Crystal Palace – 561 points
Looking at the league table alone you wouldn’t say that the Eagles have dramatically improved since Roy Hodgson’s departure with absolute certainty.
However, there can be no doubt that they are at least twice as entertaining under Patrick Vieira with a host of attack-minded players catching the eye this term.
Chelsea’s Conor Gallagher (£3.3m) is the standout star from a Dream Team perspective – the loanee has racked up 92 points and looked impressive doing it.
12th Brighton – 569 points
Graham Potter’s are a very decent team but they’ve drawn 12 of their 22 league games this season, a habit that is not conducive to maximised Dream Team points.
11th Aston Villa – 584 points
There’s no standout star in Steven Gerrard’s squad with John McGinn (£2.8m) the leader among them with a modest 57 points.
It’s required a comprehensive team effort to muster more points than nine other teams.
The Villains have got favourable fixtures in February (Leeds, Newcastle and Watford in their next three) so they may even sneak into the top half of this hypothetical table next month.
10th Southampton – 630 points
Saints’ top-half position owes plenty to a trio of cult Dream Team figures: Mohammed Salisu (£1.8m), Armando Broja (£2.7m) and James Ward-Prowse (£4.5m).
The former mixed it with the big-name defenders in the first third of the campaign and produced a glorious Star Man performance against Man City last weekend while the latter’s set-pieces are a thing of beauty.
9th Leicester – 678 points
Much like the Foxes’ actual campaign, they are positioned lower than the talent in their squad suggests is fitting.
James Maddison’s (£3.9m) hot streak is genuinely sensational – he’s amassed 98 points in nine Game Weeks!
Considering Leicester had Europa League fixtures to bolster their tally, they really should be at least a couple of places higher in this list.
8th Wolves – 794 points
All hail Bruno Lage’s defensive assets!
Max Kilman (£4.0m), Romain Saiss (£4.1m), Jose Sa (£3.7m), Conor Coady (£3.9m), Nelson Semedo (£3.1m) and Rayan Ait-Nouri (£3.6m) have combined for a whopping 458 points this term.
Wolves have the second-best defensive record in the league at this stage.
7th Man United – 822 points
Portuguese centurions Cristiano Ronaldo (£8.2m) and Bruno Fernandes (£5.3m) make up 29.6% of the Red Devils’ total.
Only five Old Trafford residents, including the aforementioned pair, have passed 50 points after 21 Game Weeks – compare that to Man City, Chelsea and Liverpool and you’ll see the whole story.
6th Spurs – 873 points
It’s almost a case of business as usual for the north Londoners but some Dream Team managers may be surprised to learn that Son Heung-min (£5.2m) is not the next-best asset after Harry Kane (£7.1m), which has been the natural order of things in recent years.
That accolade belongs to Lucas Moura (£3.7m) who has earned five Star Man awards almost through endeavour alone this season.
5th Arsenal – 1,017 points
The Gunners are the only team with 1000+ points who have not had the luxury of European fixtures to help them to four figures – a notable achievement.
Again, it’s been very much a team effort as there’s hardly anything between their four best performers, who are all hovering between 80 – 90 points: Ben White (£4.0m), Bukayo Saka (£4.0m), Aaran Ramsdale (£3.4m) and Emile Smith Rowe (£4.0m).
4th West Ham – 1,133 points
An impressive Europa League campaign has secured the Hammers a top four spot.
Jarrod Bowen (£4.5m) is the second-best midfielder in the game right now with 127 points while Michail Antonio (£3.8m) and Said Benrahma (£3.6m) are eight and ten points away from celebrating their centuries respectively.
3rd Man City – 1,490 points
Something of a surprise here given the reigning Premier League champions’ dominance in recent months.
Make no mistake, Pep Guardiola’s side are a team Dream Team bosses should back to the hilt but it’s interesting that they’re nearly 200 points behind the top two teams in this metric.
Many would have expected the likes of Kyle Walker (£3.5m), Jack Grealish (£4.2m) and John Stones (£4.9m) to have bagged more points than they have at this stage.
Joao Cancelo (£6.3m) is the standout star with 157 points – he deserves to feature in more than 26.5% of teams.
2nd Chelsea – 1,685 points
Circling back to the fact Man United have five players on 50+ points, by way of a comparison, 17 of Thomas Tuchel’s troops have reached their half-century.
Their defensive dominance has waned in the last six weeks but it’s almost impossible to underestimate the quality and consistency of their returns prior.
Five Chelsea defenders are currently members of the 100 Club™.
1st Liverpool – 1,686 points
Talk about drama, Jurgen Klopp’s side sit on the throne with a slender one-point lead over Chelsea!
Salah is by far and away the best Dream Team asset this season with 233 points to his name – his rivals have hardly made a dent in his lead despite his participation in AFCON.
In fact, Trent Alexander-Arnold (£6.5m) is the second-best player in the game right now and he’s 65 points shy of his team-mate.
Between them, the pair have more points than the bottom five clubs on this list.