Alexis Sanchez will chose Man United over Man City because he ‘can’t wait to be converted into a right-back’ by Jose Mourinho.
The Chilean forward is set to leave Arsenal after becoming disillusioned with life at the Emirates.
While it initially looked set in stone that Sanchez would join Pep Guardiola’s thrilling attacking unit in Manchester, Mourinho now looks to have stolen a march on his arch-nemesis.
Unofficial source Lee Satchell, who claims to have walked Sanchez’s dogs on several occasions, claims it’s the 29-year-old’s desire to become the ‘new Gary Neville’ that has sealed the move.
Satchell said: “You only have to look what Mourinho has done with Antonio Valencia and Ashley Young to understand why Sanchez would want to move to Old Trafford.
“Take Luke Shaw for example. The world’s most expensive teenager? Who cares. Mourinho picks Young, a left winger, to play instead of him.
“That commitment really caught Sanchez’s eye.
“Creating and scoring goals is stressful. At City you’re expected to be creative all the time.
“It’s much easier to play as part of a back eight under Mourinho, occasionally getting forward to put a cross into the box for Romelu Lukaku to spoon over the bar.
“Plus, Mourinho said Sanchez can bring his dogs into the changing room. He’s kicked Henrikh Mkhitaryan and Matteo Darmian out of the squad to make room for them.
“How can you say no to that?”
*SPOILER ALERT. ALL QUOTES IN THIS ARTICLE ARE MADE UP FOR THE PURPOSE OF A CHEAP LAUGH. FOR MORE FOOTBALLING COMEDY CLICK THE BANNER BELOW*
See more from our satirical False 9 column below:
- Alvaro Morata set for surgery to replace feet with two heads
- Dani Carvajal lined up as Simon Mignolet’s replacement
- Pep Guardiola to play Ederson outfield in the League Cup quarter-final