Nearly 40,000 Arsenal fans were turned away at the turnstiles of the Emirates Stadium last night after discovering they hadn’t qualified for the Champions League.
The confused fans arrived expecting to see the Gunners playing in Europe’s elite competition, only to be told they were in fact playing against Cologne on Thursday night in a competition called the ‘Europa League’.
After qualifying for the Champions League in the past 17 years, many fans have grown accustomed to blocking out a series of Tuesday and Wednesday nights in the autumn in order to watch the Gunners.
But supporters have now had to hastily rearrange their calendars to fit in the unfamiliar Thursday fixture, according to local reports.
“Thursday was always my night in with the missus, watching old videos of Dennis Bergkamp and Christopher Wreh, and that one of Robbie from Arsenal Fan TV when he was a reggae star,” said Arsenal superfan Lee Satchell.
Satchell continued: “Now I feel like an absolute mug, turning up a day early because we’ve apparently not qualified for a competition that we’re always in.
“Next you’ll be telling me we aren’t even kicking off at 7.45pm, and will have kick off times like 20:05 and 17:35.
“We are? You’re f**king kidding me.”
MORE FROM OUR SATIRICAL FALSE 9 COLUMN
- Christian Benteke put on corners after Roy Hodgson announced as Crystal Palace boss
- Gunnersaurus promoted to Arsenal first-team squad after transfer window exodus