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FALSE NINE

Pep Guardiola is signing Benfica goalkeeper Ederson to play outfield

The Brazilian is going to be pioneering the false one position next season

Pep Guardiola will be using the world’s most expensive goalkeeper outfield next season as the maverick manager looks to pioneer the first ‘false one’ role.

Ederson will arrive at City from Benfica in a £33million deal but will immediately be transformed into an outfield player under Guardiola’s revolutionary new plans.

No need for those gloves any more mate

4
No need for those gloves any more mate

City’s unofficial head of player recruitment, Lee Satchell, explained: “We’ve tried to talk Pep out of it but he’s insisting on putting the lad outfield.

“He’s obviously pretty handy with his feet, but this is going a bit too far. Still, he’s the boss and what he says goes.

“Pep’s dream is a back three of Claudio Bravo, Ederson and Joe Hart, that’s why he sent Joe to Italy.

Hart when he got the news that he was playing outfield

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Hart when he got the news that he was playing outfield

“He thinks because they’ve spent their whole life trying to keep the ball out of the goal they make the best defenders.

“We had a practice match where Bravo played outfield and he only went and bagged a hat-trick. To be fair it was against the Under-11s.

“Since then Pep has been obsessed with the idea of a false one.

A new contender for the golden boot

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A new contender for the golden boot

“He’s even been petitioning to the FA to be allowed to play rush goalie. The FA think he’s gone mad.

“He’s been ringing Manuel Neuer up at all hours of the night begging him to come and play as his no.10.

“The poor lad has had to change his number twice already.”

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