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The 19 things you’ll remember from a career in playground football

1 The mixed emotions involved when you shattered a window


2 When the ball flew into one of these really s**t temporary classrooms

Temporary classroom at Park Gate Primary School

3 You were only allowed on the grass if it hadn’t rained for 8 weeks

Football pitch


4 The eternal, crippling fear of getting picked last


5 When the tennis ball split in half and everyone wanted to have a little cry

6 The fact that you spent 9 years of your life with grazed knees from an unforgiving surface


7 The prudish teacher who intervened when it got even the slightest bit boisterous


8 The school bell that always seemed to come at just the wrong time

1990s saved by the bell 90s fashion 90s tv shows zack morris


9 The way on-pitch scuffles ALWAYS spilled over into the classroom

headshot school fighting kick like a boss


10 Roughly every two weeks some kid would get a nosebleed


11 There was always at least one angry dinner lady who regularly threatened to confiscate your ball


12 Pulling a player back by his tie was frowned upon (but not completely illegal)


13 The fact that all classrooms after lunch were permeated by the sweet smell of Lynx Africa



14 Wet f*****g break

perfect rain window

15 When blanket football bans were imposed from on high for no good reason

16 When the geography teacher tried to pretend he knew who played upfront for Man United


17 This was considered a genuinely nutritious half-time snack

18 Those incredible, anything goes, unscheduled games that happened between the end of school and parents evening


19 And how it was all worth it if just once you scored the winning goal