We’ve all had one of those awkward moments.
You know the ones when the grinning, gurning face of an obscure footballer from the past pops into your head for no good reason.
Come on, admit it.
It could be in the office or (more likely) during a particularly lonely commute home.
Or even smack-bang in the middle of your biweekly attempt at intimacy.
The weirdest thing about it is, it’s probably not even a player you particularly liked.
Or really remember seeing play.
So why does it happen?
One word for you, people: Panini.
Those Italian, sticker-making b*****ds have seared indelibly on our minds the names and visages of some of the most mediocre footballers ever to have walked this earth.
Here are the ones that have haunted us the most this past 20 years and what they’re up to now.
We hope you can find some closure by flicking through.
And if this tickles your fancy, you should buy The Sun on Saturday. They are giving away a FREE copy of the Euro 2016 Panini album, with stickers. And there are free stickers in the paper all next week. Sticky.
1 Peter Fear (Wimbledon)
Developed a weird fascination with quiz shows, making appearances on both The Weakest Link and Ken Bruce’s Popmaster twice after giving up the game
2 David Howells (Spurs)
He’s now a Director of Football. At a school.
3 Richard Shaw (Coventry)
Shaw tried his hand at caretaker management at Millwall and Coventry but has since decided Crystal Palace U-16s are more up his street.
4 Chris Bart-Williams (Sheff Wed)
Made the double-barrel trendy way before your James Ward-Prowses and your Ruben Loftus-Cheeks. Now in the States coaching ladies.
5 Jeff Kenna (Blackburn)
The most boring full-back in the history of the Premier League has somehow swung a gig coaching college students in Florida. Nice one, Jeff.
6 Francis Benali (Southampton)
How this mugshot hasn’t ended up on Crimewatch yet we’ve no idea. In 2005 Franny put himself forward for the vacant Southampton job. He was never interviewed.
7 Graham Hyde (Sheff Wednesday)
The best Gareth from The Office lookalike in Premier League history. Last job in football was as manager of Telford. He lasted two games.
8 Mark Stein (Chelsea)
Last we heard he was the Crawley Town physio. But it’s not like we subscribe to Google Alerts on him or anything.
9 Ian Selley (Arsenal)
Ian is out in Dubai coaching for Arsenal’s soccer schools because he just can’t let go, the poor guy.
10 John Ebbrell (Everton)
No doubt expected big things when he joined Sheffield United for £1.2m in 1997. Played 45 more minutes of football in his life.
11 Craig Forrest (Ipswich)
The slightly-creepy looking keeper now spends his time ‘analysing’ football for money and posting clips of his heyday on twitter. Sad really.
12 David Hopkin (Leeds)
Currently the manager of Livingston in the Scottish Championship where we understand his experimentation with hair dye has come to an end.
13 Phil Masinga (Leeds)
Phil has set up a load of football academies in his own country which, based on South Africa’s recent exploits on the world stage, are not working.
14 Kiki Musampa (Man City)
One of the few players to have scored during the reign of Stuart Pearce, nowadays he just says loads of stuff in Dutch on social media.
15 Terry Cooke (Man United)
Now living in Denver, Colorado and still texts Giggs to see how he’s doing. Giggs doesn’t reply.
16 Jason Dozzell (Spurs)
He must have been kind of a big deal as he now has a spoof twitter account describing him as the ‘Lionel Messi of the 80s’.
17 Ludek Miklosko (West Ham)
Was goalkeeping coach at West Ham up until he left in 2010. Neither the club nor Miklosko commented as to why. Duh duh duh…
18 Neil Ardley (Wimbledon)
Nuff respec’ to Ardley who’s still keeping it real by managing AFC Wimbledon.
19 Dalian Atkinson (Aston Villa)
People who can still remember the 90s insist that Dalian was actually good. And he played in Turkey, France, Saudi Arabia and Japan.
20 Simon Rodger (Crystal Palace)
David Beckham pretty much ruined this look for Rodger, the ex-Palace midfielder now married to a QVC presenter.
21 Warren Barton (Newcastle)
This man actually played for England. He now looks all serious and pretends he knows about defending for Fox Sports in the USA.
22 Stephen Hughes (Arsenal)
Another Gunner clinging to the club’s coat-tails to make a living. He commentates for Arsenal Player.
23 Jamie Redknapp (Liverpool)
This plodding midfielder disappeared without a trace on retirement and is assumed to be repping for Club 18-30 somewhere on the coast of Spain.
