Isn’t it? Wasn’t it?
Euro 96. Jumpers for goalposts.
Three Lions on a shirt.
It was simply the greatest month to be alive in the history of living.
England didn’t even win it in the end and we all still had the time of our lives.
Remember it all?
Course you don’t.
You were perpetually sloshed. Here’s a quick recap.
1 The opening cermony involved a giant papier mache model of the Euro trophy
And it was truly awful.
2 There was ANOTHER song
And it was recorded by Mick Hucknall, backed by the Sister Act cast. It was called ‘We’re In This Together’ and was criminally not resurrected by the Conservative Party for their 2010 election campaign.
It was also truly awful.
3 Karel Poborsky
Scored the flukiest worldie of all time. Got a move to Manchester United. Never did anything interesting ever again.
3 The England keeper kit was the subject of some early ambush marketing by Refreshers
4 Panini trolled the hell out of Peter Beardsley
By including him in the official sticker album despite the fact he didn’t make the squad.
5 Des Lynam was the smoothest cat alive
His intro to the England-Germany semi-final lives on.
“Glad you’ve tuned in. You’ve obviously heard there’s a football match on tonight…”
6 Rafael Nadal’s uncle was playing for Spain
And he missed a penalty against England. Ha ha.
7 Zinedine Zidane had a full head of hair
And was total dogs***.
8 Holland failed to score against Scotland
It was 0-0. Holland really weren’t very good then.
9 Paul Ince started it all on THAT night at Wembley
Everyone remembers Shearer and Sheringham’s exploits, but it was Paul Ince’s Marseille turn that drew the foul, which won the penalty, that set England on their way to demolishing Holland 4-1 in England’s greatest ever performance.
10 Matthias Sammer was an absolute beast
He sort of came from nowhere to win the Player of the Tournament.
11 This sleeve cover for Three Lions
All the feels right up inside yourself.
12 But this was number one for almost the entire tournament
13 There was a terrorist attack
The day before the Germany-Russia game at Old Trafford, the Provisional IRA set off a bomb in Manchester city centre injuring 212 people and causing hundreds of millions of pounds worth of damage.
The game still went ahead, but under heightened policing.
14 And some hooliganism
After England lost their semi-final to Germany, riots broke out in Trafalgar Square and a Russian man was stabbed in Brighton after his assailants mistook him for a German.
15 Alan Shearer hadn’t scored for 12 games going into the tournament
And fans were calling for his head.
He scored in the opener against Switzerland and went on to finish as the tournament’s top scorer with five goals.
16 This was how the England squad prepared for the tournament
They basically went on a stag do to Hong Kong, drunk all the drinks, ripped off their shirts and went bloody wild.
It was also where the infamous dentist chair celebration was coined, after the lads had sat in one to down shots straight from the bottle.
17 Steve Stone was in the England squad
And played actual minutes.
18 This was the pretty rudimentary mascot
He was called Goaliath.
Marketing was easy in those days.
19 The Queen actually went to a football match
And looked happier than we’ve EVER seen her that Germany won.
Bit ~suspicious~ if you ask us.