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17 types of FIFA player we’ve all hated playing against

Playing against your mates on FIFA is a pastime that will never get old.

But which type of FIFA opponent do you find the most infuriating?

1 The sweaty goal scorer


We all hate them, but admit it, we’ve all done it right?

2 The 5-4-1 guy


Puts five at the back, scores from a corner in the first half and then sets his tactics to ultra defensive.

3 The silent assassin


Pretends that he doesn’t really play very much, then comes round to yours and smashes in 25-yard rabonas.

4 The replay watcher


Always for bang average goals, too.

5 The rage quitter

fifa rage quitter

We’ve all thought about doing it, but only the truly sick people do it.

6 The free-kick master

hakan calhanolgu free-kick

Chooses Bayer Leverkusen just so they get Hakan Calhanoglu, then plays to get fouled from 25 yards out.

7 The guy who plays like it’s real football

Arsene Wenger

Not the guy who takes it too seriously, but they actually try and play good tactics, get the ball into the channels and chats to the players on the screen.

8 The one-trick wonder


C’mon mate, we’ve all watched rainbow flicks tutorials on YouTube, there’s just no need to do them all the bloody time.

9 The tiki-taka tosser


The words ‘L1 + X’ or ‘LB + A’ will mean a lot to these guys.

10 The penalty pro


That guy who has actually done the penalty practice game, and can now nail it in the top bin every time. You got no chance after extra time.

11 The one who plays like your Mum


Incredibly has never played a game of FIFA before. Who are these people and what do they do with their time?

12 The guy who goes on a mad one straight from the kick-off

adventure-hobbit gif

This is me, because it worked once against my mate in 2003. Fall back, haters.

13 The mate who might be a genuine psychopath

fifa rage quit

Worse than the rage quitter because you have serious concerns that their FIFA rages might be masking deeper-seated psychopathy.

14 The FIFA hipster


You’ve got basically every league in the world, why are you going for the English Premier League? You want to FK Austria mate, live a little!

15 The one team wonder


Your mate who knows exactly how to set up Borussia Dortmund, and so they do. Every. Single. Game.

16 The button basher

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Has played a couple of games but still just smashes the buttons. Occasionally discovers an insane move, but can’t remember how they did it.

17 The over-celebrator


Will jump up, laugh in your face and point at you.

Sit down son, you’re an overweight 27-year-old who hasn’t had any Tinder matches for three months. AND you pay for premium access.