Don’t worry, your secret footballing fetishes are safe here.
Everybody who actually knows anything about football is right in saying that the 2018 World Cup has been bloody brilliant.
Favourites being knocked out, set-piece madness and VAR banter have all been mixed together to concoct a tournament soup which we’ve all gulped down so smoothly.
Away from those moments which are making headlines for all the right reasons, there is another side to this World Cup.
The tournament has a dark underbelly of all the stuff you shouldn’t love, but you really do.
We’re talking about moments of the same ilk as when Luis Suarez went full s**thouse at the 2010 World Cup, and again in 2014.
We present you with our 5 alternative best moments of the World Cup so far…
1 Mathias Jorgensen’s genius tactical foul against Croatia
Ante Rebic had just rounded Kasper Schmeichel and was left with the goal at his mercy to effectively win the game for Croatia.
The Huddersfield defender expertly brought down the Croatian forward and gave away a penalty to prevent the certain goal.
There’s no doubt Jorgensen was fully expecting to be given his marching orders, however it turns out that the referee bloody loved it too.
He only showed a yellow card to the ballsy centre-back, and what made it even better is that the gamble actually paid off.
Luka Modric had his penalty saved by Schmeichel and Jorgensen was able to stay on the pitch!
The yellow card would have ruled him out of Denmark’s quarter-final, had they won. The definition of taking one for the team.
Admit it, you would have done the same thing in his position.
2 Nicolas Otamendi going full b*****d AGAIN against France
The occasion all got a bit too much for Otamendi in Argentina’s last sixteen clash with France.
Frustration overcame the Man City defender, who proceeded to smash the ball into the back of Paul Pogba after he had brought him to the ground.
The brainless moment just wasted more precious time, of which Argentina didn’t have much of.
Believe it or not, this wasn’t Otamendi’s first offence of this kind at the tournament.
During Argentina’s humbling at the hands of Croatia, the Man City man did the exact same thing to a stricken Ivan Rakitic.
For those of you who enjoy seeing this Sunday League classic performed on the world’s biggest stage, as Argentina were knocked out, we won’t be seeing it from Otamendi anymore.
Proper tw*t move, funny though.
3 Diego Maradona being possessed by the demon of banter in the stands
“Nobody wants to see a legend act this way,” they all said. Ermmm, yes we do.
Gary Lineker labelled Maradona a laughing-stock after the incident, whereas we strongly dispute this claim and think he’s even more of a legend now.
The Argentine favourite celebrated his country’s late winner like a true fan.
Throughout the match Maradona was the living embodiment of zero f***s given.
He actually got himself so excited that he was rushed to hospital after the game, where thankfully all was well.
The thing is, Maradona had been acting a bit strange all night.
Nobody has ANY idea why…
4 Sergio Ramos crying his eyes out after Spain lost to Russia
Nobody, and certainly not Mohamed Salah, would have felt anything other than pure joy at the sight of Ramos balling his eyes.
He might well be one of the best defenders in the world and won everything there is to win in the game, but he’s also a notorious b*****d.
Ramos angered the world of football when he injured Salah in last season’s Champions League final.
The enigmatic centre-back turned into a wrestler to end the Egyptian’s night and also put his World Cup in jeopardy.
So, after Spain were knocked out by Russia on penalties, everyone sat with their trotters up and watched the tears flow from Ramos with a massive smile on their face.
“Ramos crying you saying?”
5 Nordin Amrabat’s X-rated outburst about VAR
The Watford man was clearly furious at the decision to allow Iago Aspas’ late goal to stand for Spain.
The goal was initially ruled out for offside, before a quick VAR check overturned the decision and the goal was correctly awarded.
Morocco were already confirmed to be out of the tournament, which makes Amrabat’s unjustified anger even funnier.
I must say that I disagree with his view, I think VAR has actually been excellent! This is still hilarious though.
The moment was reminiscent of Didier Drogba losing his s**t after the referee famously cost Chelsea against Barcelona in 2009.
The outburst has actually just cost the Morocco FA a whopping £50,000 after they were slapped with a fine from FIFA.
We think it was definitely worth every penny.
All of these classic moments have led to the 2018 World Cup being one of the best we can ever remember.
It will be even better once it has officially come home.